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From: (Not Displayed) Received: 11:12 am on May 4, 2008 Return to Inbox
Subject: need answer soon..
Okay, so I have my first softball practice of the season later this evening, and for the first time since I started playing when I was 10; I have not one friend on the entire team.

I'm not going to get into the why, but long story short I was pretty much a shoe-in to be on the "A" team, some things got majorly screwed up, and now I'm on "B" and every single person I've played with for five years is on "A".

Now, the people on my new team have also all been playing together for five years, and they're all best friends. Here's what I need help with; I want to make a bunch of new friends, and I would like some pointers on how to go about "breaking into" a group where they're already all best friends. I mean, obviously I know to just be myself and talk to people but I'm looking for just, I dunno, like some tips from people who've been there, done that.

Also, on another note; I'm a little worried that they're all gonna think that I think I'm too good for their "B" team - which I cannot even begin to tell you is so not the case. And I'm going to make sure that I don't act pompous or stuck up, but anyone have any pointers for me regarding how to not appear stuck up as well?hanks :] .

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It's never easy breaking into something new is it? Heh, I should know that. But you already have a lot in your favour. I mean you have a common interest with these guys if nothing else, right? And you have a lot of experience to share with them and you have an interest in learning from the experience they have to share with you, right? Well that's a great start to cracking in to any group. You should be able to join in with the conversation quite easily really, and I'm sure that if you concentrate on listening to them and generally talking about the same tings they are without trying to draw the conversation to yourself too much then you will not look like you are somehow looking down at them.

If you don't want to appear stuck up then it's pretty much  a case of just trying to be relaxed and listening to what they have to say. People only perceive you as stuck up or whatever if you go in there and start acting like you own the place or start telling them what they should be doing or that they are wrong somehow. It just doesn't work that way. I'm sure you know all that though and you won't do any of it. Just stay relaxed and go with the flow of whatever they are doing and they'll see that you really want to fit in.

Basically I think you have exactly the right attitude and I don't think it will take them long to see that.

Good luck.

Posted at 9:54 am on May 5, 2008

Hey there,

I have been in a similar situation, i changed colleges this year and found myself being alone in a college not knowing anyone. I soon found myself in a group of people who all came from the same school and pretty much were a tight knit group, best friends almost. I know it is easier said that done but the best thing is just to get yourself involved in conversation as much as you can. To be honest i was surprised that i managed to fit in pretty quickly with the group of friends from college. So the key in my opinion is to just put yourself out there, don't hold back our they will sense that you don't want to talk to them. I know it is scary the thought of being thrown in the deep end with these people, because that is what is going to happen. Once you go through the early awkward moments, I'm sure after a while once you get to know them they will welcome you to the team. Maybe introduce yourself to them. Maybe when practice is over speak to one of them and then maybe hag out or something. Normally when you are friends with someone then other people in the group are friendly. Thats what happened to me, perhaps i was lucky in that respect. But i think that will be the best thing to do.

On the other note you brought up, just act the the way you normally would around your other friends. All i can say really is just be friendly and welcoming. I know it is going to be weird but I'm sure you can deal with it, it might be hard to break into the group but I'm sure if you stick with it then you will be fine. Just be down to earth with them, be careful though.

Hope i have helped, good luck! pm at any time if you want to, ok :)

Posted at 11:47 am on May 4, 2008

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