Now you say this relationship was over for much longer than a few months before you even got back in touch with her. You say you've been apart for a pretty long time during which you've basically been trying to get on with your life, right? So you must be even more confused that even after all that you STILL have these feelings. That's got to be messing with your mind.

Have you looked at other girls during this time? Have you looked at having other relationships AT ALL? Or have you just been completely focussed on high school without any INTEREST even in girls? I'm just wondering.

How much have you thought of her during this time? I mean have you cried over her? Missed her like crazy the whole time? Or were you actually starting to get over it?

I think you did the right thing by not moving in on her when you were out together - I really do. I think if she has this other boyfriend and she's planning on moving into an apartment with him then you shouldn't interfere with that. I actually think what she's doing is kind of unfair . She is flirting with you because she did reply to your text about leaning in and kissing her. She isleading you on and I don't that's right of her to do that. You are a perosn with feelings as well and she isn't respecting that.

It sounds like she is testing her feelings for this guy or something. Maybe she's having second thoughts about moving in with him and she's looking for a way out. Maybe she's bored in that relationship and wants to explore others. Or maybe she has missed you all along and really still wants you back. The problem is that she hasn't told you ANY of that. She SAYS she wants to be friends , but the SIGNALS she is giving you keep suggesting otherwise.

You are a person with a heart and soul of your own. If she wants to break off with this other guy and explore another relationship, if she doesn't want to move in with him, then that's got to be her decision and I kind of feel like she's actually trying to see if you'll make it for her by making a move on her. I don't think that's fair on you. It's her relationship and her life and if she wants out or if she wants something else then she has to stand up and say so, not manipulate you into doing the  dirty work for her.

Be careful, because I really feel like that's the position you're getting yourself into - she's using you as an excuse or as an experiment and it's just not fair on you, man. You deserve more than that - you deserve more respect for your feelings and she's basically suing you.

If you want to go ahead and be friends then you should be. But you have to be absolutely clear on where you stand and not let her lead you on or tempt you into shit while she is still in this other relationship. You must not let yourself become her excuse to leave the other guy because it's not your job. You need to establish some firm boundaries both with yourself and with her before you go any further with this friendship. Let her know you are still interested in her but tell her you won't be responsible for breaking up a relationship and if she wants to be with you then she has to leave him of her own accord. Let her know also that you are happy to be friends but you have your boundaries and will not cross them and make sure she respects that. If she flirts with you via text or anything else then tell her not to. Tel her that's not fair. Tell her that's not how friends act and remind her what you said about not wanting a relationship of any sort with her while she's still with this other guy.

If you can't do that - if you can't set those boundaries then i really think you should try and move on and forget this relationship. You certainly can't continue to let her use your feelings for her and if she isn't willing to set clear limits on what she wants from you then that's basically just fucking you around and you should try to move on. I know that's incredibly hard if you care about her so much but you don't want to get used.

Just remember that she is only going to treat you as good as you allow her to, and that if you let her get way with using you now then you may well set up a pattern for the rest of your life.

I know it's been a long time and your feelings for her must be confusing for you. People say that you never forget someone you truly love. I'm afraid I can't speak from experience as I've only ever had one love since I was 14 and that only ended a couple of weeks ago, but I can't ever imagine not loving her even if things eventually move on. I think you have to be prepared to remove yourself form situations like this if you can't handle them and I think you have to remind yourself that you have a whole life ahead of you that you need to get on with living. There will be other girls, and you can make it through. You sound like you at least have some plans for your life and you should focus on those right now and on making something of yourself.

PM me if you want to talk. I'm always here to listen even if I can't just make everything better.

Good luck.

Posted at 8:01 am on May 5, 2008