First things first, what your dad did was wrong.  I know you know that, but I want you to know that I know it as well.  I had a similar problem with my mother.  I was angry and hurt; I felt betrayed.  When one of your parents cheats on his or her spouse, it has ramifications for everyone near to him or her.  It's terrible.

But, you're not perfect.  Sure, you've never cheated on your mom (because that would be oedipal), but you've done stupid things before, things you knew were wrong.  You've hurt people whether your meant it or not (and chances are your father didn't go into this affair thinking "Man, I can't wait to hurt my kid").  I should hope that when you realize this, you see there is one course of action that stands out above the rest.

Forgive him.  If for no other reason that because you would want to be forgiven.  Holding on to that anger, betrayal, and hurt doesn't do your or him any good.  It's not your job to punish him.  He's your father.  You need to leave punishment to higher ups.  You need to think about your relationship to the person who is theoretically the most influential male figure in your life.  The way to do that, is to forgive him.

This does not mean: condoning what he did, defending him to your mom, or keeping his secrets for him.  It just means not holding on to your anger and your hate.  It means letting that go, realizing that this single act of indiscretion does not invalidate his entire life of interaction with you.  Treat your father like a whole person, the way you would want to be treated, and not just a cheater.  He is more than that and you need to recognize that if you are ever going to get past this.

Posted at 8:35 am on May 11, 2008

Even though this itself is hard to take, what I mentioned about your father having to reason with is important. I know, it can be easier to lie to avoid a fear of a heated argument starting. Yet, try to put yourself in the situation, would you like to know what was happening? Your mother does have the right to know, and whether the outcome is worser then any of you expected, the situation has to be in the open.  Now I know it isn't going to be easy, and while your father is trying to reason with you possibly not to tell, you have to tell him what you believe. Within that keep in mind of what you'd want for your mom. Keep a closer eye to expect the unknown. It's up to you to make a final step, yet it's also up to your father to tell for himself. Either way it's best to not keep it in. As much as that hurts, from there you can determine what could make your parents happier.

or:

Yet, even if you don't feel as confessing would solve anything, you have a choice to talk to your father about how to fix the relationship itself. Ask him if he were able to fix something that was missing, could he be able to control himself for that one person only? Within that you can give him another chance, another chance to start fresh. Try to encourage him to talk to your mother. I say this because even though you are apart of the family and situation, your father needs to try and resolve the relationship with your mom. It's obvious to see something is wrong, and if your parents are able to decide what they'd want for each other then it can encourage him not to make the same mistake.

Even though it's best to tell, keep in mind your father needs to make the first move. Advise him to be aware that he needs to work on the relationship he has with your mom. From there you can determine if he's sincere. If you know he's done it again, then I believe it's best to let it out in the open.

Good Luck

Posted at 10:01 pm on May 9, 2008