I'm sorry that your grandfather is very sick. Unfortunately,  sickness and passing on is just part of the cycle of life. Death is something that is SO confusing, and no one really has accurate answers.

It's perfectly normal to feel very empty when you first realize someone is dying or has passed away. I've felt the same way when my neighbor and my classmate passed away this past year. I hope you don't feel guilty for not crying because there's nothing to feel bad about. Everyone deals with pain and grief differently. Some people just feel numb to it all together, which is probably how you feel, right?

Numbness is usually brought on by disbelief, shock, or because one doesn't want to think about the pain of a situation. You'll get through the numb feeling, though, by talking to your friends and family about the situation. Then, you'll start to acknowledge that your grandpa has a serious form of cancer. At that point, you'll probably feel very sad, but this is also a normal feeling.

The only way to get through the misery of serious illnesses of loved ones is to stand by your family and continue to support each other. I'm sure your mom and grandmother will be sad, but they've had people in their lives pass away before, certainly. You, on the other hand, are much younger than them, and it will be more confusing for you. I don't know if people in your life have passed on before, but it is a very disturbing feeling. I can tell that you sense that feeling based on your overall confusion.

As for how to help your mom and grandmother, you can just be there for them if they need someone to talk to, or just to listen to them talk.

I hope the best for your grandfather and the rest of your family, including yourself. PM me if you need anything, anything else at all.

Good luck,
Rachel

Posted at 11:36 am on May 11, 2008

All the best.

Posted at 3:56 pm on May 10, 2008

One of life's absolute worst things is uncertainty. What's going to happen? I don't know. You don't know. The doctors don't know. Nobody knows.

I was in a very similar situation a year or two back. My own grandfather was in hospital after a heart attack. At first they thought it was just a minor attack. Then it turned out it had been worse. Then it turned out that he was lucky to be alive and that he could die at any minute. The worst thing for me was not knowing what was going to happen: not knowing if he'd live long enough to get out of the hospital or if he'd live another few years.

It is normal to feel empty. It's easier to feel empty than to deal with the shock and the pain. I know that it feels like you want to feel those things, and you do, but the emptiness is part of it.

You needn't worry about how your mum or your grandma will handle it because everyone copes in their own way. They will cope. People shift a little to cover the hole. It's never completely gone, but it's small enough that you can't fall in any more. You will learn to cope and so will they.

Just take it five minutes at a time. Keep going. Find things to keep you occupied. For as long as you're busy, time is passing and you're not just counting it: you're using it. Eventually, enough time will have passed for it not to hurt so badly any more.

I hope that things go as well as they can go...if you need someone to talk to, then message me, okay? I'm here.

-Fern

Posted at 12:23 pm on May 10, 2008