Thanks for posting an eHelp because this is a great step to start feeling better; asking for help, that is. I hope you're still online. I'm so sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner. We, as support leaders, can't tell you all the answers you need to get better, but we can point you in the right direct by supplying you with information and questions you should ask yourself before you do anything else.

One of the reasons that people who have self-destructive or suicidal tendencies relapse is because the root of their problems was never solved in therapy or hospitalization. The reason people go to therapy or get hospitalization is to learn how to cope with difficult situations and to talk to someone they can trust with their problems. When you were first in hospitalization, did you learn these techniques? If not, then put that on your to do list for things to do when you go back to the hospital.

Do you know the main reason that makes you so depressed? The reason I ask is because many people can't figure out what's wrong, so they have reoccurring sadness, even after lots of help. Did anything happen in your life that started making you depressed? Something at school, home, friends, relationships, anything at all? You need to take sometime to think about when you first starting feeling sad, and then remember what was happening at that time.

Also, you should probably keep track of what's going on when you start feeling really upset. If you can pin-point what it is that is causing the depression, you can stop it all together.

From your eHelp, I understand that you had some bad experiences with inpatient hospitalization in the past. Would you be willing to try a different hospital, instead? That way, it would be a whole different experience, with no attachments of your last time at the hospital. I really think that you make your time there more enjoyable.

As for talking to your parents, you should first sit them both down. I really recommend talking to both of them because they'll both be able to understand your current feelings. If you don't think you can talk to one of them, then just talking to the other would be fine, anyways. After all, I know that talking to parents can be very intimidating. Maybe you ought to start off by telling them how you've been feeling lately, without completely scaring them. Try saying something like, "Mom/Dad, I've been feeling really down lately. I know that some people who have had to get help for depression relapse, and I think I am going through that. The only way I think I can get better is going back to the hospital."

Also, after you're done with hospitalization, please continue to get therapy regularly. If you do this, a relapse is less likely to happen. Even if you're feeling really great after you get out of the hospital, I'd still recommend it.

I'm sure you have the suicide hotline number, but I just want to put it here again just in case: 1-800-SUICIDE.

I hope you'll start to feel better very, very soon! Be brave when talking to your parents; I know you will be.

PM me if you need anything, anything else at all.

Good luck,
Rachel

Posted at 11:53 am on May 11, 2008

I don't understand what you mean when you say that you made yourself worse so that they sent you home? Why did they send you out of inpatient care once they saw you getting worse? That doesn't seem to make sense.

What country are you in? Sign up for an account so we can talk more easily and maybe help you with some resources that you can get in touch with. AT the moment you are a "guest" so we don't have any information about you and that makes it difficult to understand the system where you live and what sort of help might be available to you.

If you don't feel that you can keep yourself safe, if you don't feel that you can actually protect yourself from your own self destructive feelings then it would certainly seem to be true that you need some sort of hospitalisation. Do your parents actually know about your attempts on your life or are they unaware? If they know about them then how is it that they maintain the idea that they can keep you safe - surely it is obvious to them that their attempts have failed?

There are three courses of action I would suggest to you:

1) Sit them down and explain to them everything you have explained her. Explain tot them that their attempt to protect you has failed and that they need to get you readmitted for your own safety. Tell them about your feelings and the instances you have told us. Make them see how desperate you are.

2) Write them a long letter explaining everything you can in as much detail as you can. Really explain the depth of your self destructive feeling sso that they can better understand just how sad and desperate you are. Tell them everything you can think of so that the see how complex and how difficult this situation is and make it clear to them that they cannot protect you and that you need professional 24 hour care to help you sort this mess out. Show them that it is beyond their ability to deal with. Sometimes written evidence has a profound effect upon people.

3) Talk to someone at your school and get them to talk to your parents. Tell them how desperate you are. Tell them what you have told us and maybe even write them the letter. Get them to go to your parents on your behalf. Maybe if it comes from an outsider, but someone who still has some authority then ti will give your parents the push they need to see that you need this help.

Good luck, and please, if you feel suicidal then call one of the hotlines that we have listed in our resources section.

Posted at 11:39 am on May 11, 2008