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From: (Not Displayed) Received: 7:21 pm on May 11, 2008 Return to Inbox
Subject: I really dont know what to do or think. Nobody will give me any help
have this friend who I have known for years. We have tried to have a relationship twice and it hasnt worked out. He has blown me off quite a few times in the sense that hes ditched plans. He now wants to make it up to me and try again after over a year and a half. We hung out yesterday and it was amazing.. When he was alone with my friend he talked to her and told him how much he liked me, how beautiful I am and how amazing I am. He called me last night and said he really wants to take me out today and all of this stuff..

I have not heard from him today at all... and his phone has been off. but he has been on myspace.

What the hell? don't know what to do or think. Am I being played like a fiddle or what

.

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What we have here is a discrepancy between expectations and reality.  It's not unreasonable for you to have expected him to call or contact you, but you have to realize that the two of you don't exist in a vacuum.  Because you haven't been in contact with him, you don't know exactly what has been going on.  For all you know, something completely dramatic could have happened in the intervening time and he either has been unable to contact your or forgotten because more important, truly pressing, matters are on his mind.  It could be that he is having second thoughts and wants to get his mind right before he calls you.  It could be that he simply forgot, totally without malice, that it just slipped his mind.  Of course, it is also possible that he is toying with you, but I urge you to realize that this is only one of the possibilities.

My advice to you would be to calm down and suspend judgment.  Wait until you can talk to him again and explain why he has waited.  You never know what has been happening, but you'd be a jerk if you got yourself all worked up over this only to find out that he has a perfectly good reason.  (And even if he doesn't have a perfectly good reason, you should weigh the importance of this one phone call against the importance of an entire relationship.  Don't throw away all your hopes for him because of one mistake.  You'd want more chances if it were you.)

Posted at 1:04 pm on May 12, 2008

We live in an age of instant response, and often forget that people are not obligated to get back to us right away.  If someone does not get a hold of you for hours at a time, their phone could be dead, left in another room, or they could be busy.

Granted, I suppose that you do have a heightened cause for concern due to his prior history of ditching you, but not hearing from someone all day isn't necessarily cause for concern.  

As far as getting into a relationship with this guy again, I tend to follow the Albert Einstein definition of insanity when discussing relationship re-dos; he defined insanity as attempting the same thing over and over an anticipating the same result.  Relationships usually fail for a reason.

I am not saying not to go for it, but I know so many people who keep going back to the same relationships only to get hurt.  Keep your guard up if anything, and good luck.

Posted at 1:03 am on May 12, 2008

First off... I think your expectations are too high. Just because someone leaves their phone off or doesn't contact you does not mean anything. Unless this has been going on for some time... (A week or two)

It does sound like he is genuinely interested in you, otherwise he would not be talking about you. I would be cautious though, usually when things don't work out the first time they don't work out at all. Just go with the flow, and don't fret over anything. Just because he is not talking to you every day does not mean he is not interested.

Ask him how he feels, have him tell you... Then bring up your concerns. Just be open about everything, that's the best approach to take.

Guy's do tend to forget things, or he may have gotten busy... Wait it out, and good luck.

Posted at 8:38 pm on May 11, 2008

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