I am 19 years old and will warn you and admit and sorry If you hate these kind of people but I truly am a pretty pathetic, self-sorrowing, lonely ass human being.

I guess I should list everything, I don't want to have to put everyone through reading a paragraph if they choose to venture on.

Why my life sucks:
- I have no girlfriend nor have I ever had one

- My best bud moved to arizona 2 months ago (I live in PA....)

- I just started college about an hour away and everyone just seems like a huge tool

- I look at everything around my home and town and it just brings backs memories

- My former best friend is going out and screwing my one and only real crush of a year and he knew it

- I think I smoke pot and drink a bit too much for a teenager

- The few places I use to go for fun all closed down (including the only fucking arcade near me)

- My other pal just sold my guitar hero on ebay that I let him borrow and didn't tell me (it's confirmed tho)

- I just stopped taking prozac 4 months ago at probably the worst time to wein off (man predicting the future would be nice)

- I have lost approx. 12 friends in the last year because of betrayel and generally using me for my car among other things

- I went to catholic school even though my parents may be catholic are not religous at all and it has been 3 years of therapy being scared of going to hell for everything I was doing

- I semi-realize the meaning of being detached from your old self and the world

- I get the notion some people get everything handed to them in life no matter how much bad karma they have (Why does life pick and choose winners no matter how much of a jerk or a great person they are)

- I look like I am 15

- I haven't looked in the mirror and found something postitive about myself in 4 months

- I have gained 10 pounds in the last 2 months

- I have almost no passion for things that I use to love

- My brother and sister are ridiculously good at something and I envy them everyday (my sister statewide crosscountry champion, my brother sponsored skateboarder by 5boro, es, oakley, and a skateshop...he is 14!)

- I don't know if I want to pursue my major

- I eat the same damn thing everyday (I have no taste)

- I have thought of suicide so many times, If it weren't for my mom IDK where I would be right now (Parents you are the most important things to your kids no matter how much like shit they treat you)

- Coming from that note my hero somehow is Kurt Cobain (I miss you man)

- I feel like I am on the chopping block 24/7

- I am out of the loop with my real friends now that I am out of high school (I was friends with a lot of kids a grade below me)

- I feel hopeless

- I am lonely

- I know I know I feel sorry for myself way too much (I just can't treasure the few good things I actually do have in my life for some reason)

- And honestly in general I fucking hate my life

I think that was just about everything (phew). Thank you if somehow you finished that pathetic writing and are now here, If you would like you can ask me about how certain things happened, what things were good in the past, or generally anything else pertaining to this topic feel free to.

Later

OK. First thing first. You need to make a list of 10 things you LIKE about yourself and 10 you don't. Look at the 10 weaknesses, are there any you can improve on?

Next thing you need to do is seek a counselor/phychiatrist. Living your life like this any longer may lead you to comitting sucide.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Message me, so we can talk.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Start getting motivated to change things in your life. You say you've gained weight, so maybe hit the gym a couple of times a week or go running. This will make you feel more confident and you will be more sociable at your new college. So you may find a new good friend, even though your best friend has moved away. Also you will have more confidence to talk to girls at college. See how by just dong that it has a knocked on effect? If you improve a little thing it will gradually improve more things in everyday life which will boost your spirits.

If you carry on like this I think things will get worse, or at least seem like they are. It takes alot of motivation to change things in your life and nothing is easy. If you want it, then you will succeed. If you have hang ups about the past then put them to rest, they will only slow you down in the present time. Don't like your life? Then change it. You are the only one with the control and ability to do it.

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My head keeps saying "no",
But my heart keeps giving in.
So hard to let it go,
When it's there, under my skin.

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Oh. And do you think the reason ppl have treated you so badly is because you let them? "Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who holds a low opinion of himself."

Message me, so we can talk.

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Oh so true.

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ek is die Trotse Boer VIVA DE LA REY!
Check out my image basket!

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Your former best bud is screwing your crush? Son OF A B@$%H! I suggest try and be more popular and look better. Don't worry, my life was sadnesseveryday once, but look at me now!

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good for you :D

Im am going to pick up and write on the ones i feel i can give most help on. I will try and just to say now - if you ever want to talk to someone then please pm me anytime. =]

Why do you care so much about a girlfriend? Yes you might think its nice to have one, everyone else seems to etc but it can be bad too. Dont make this the main thing in your life - you dont need a girl to get through the day. One day she will come along. Really she will. Would you not rather wait a little longer to find someone you really like, instead of just having any girl? When you stop looking, you usually find it. It happens a lot so it is probably the same with this.
You can still keep in touch with your best friend - myspace, phone etc. Over the summer - ok i dont know how far each state it - but you could meet up, spend a few nights at his or him at yours. Just because he has moved away, it doesnt need to be the end of a friendship.

Its the same with the friends who are a year below you. I have some friend younger than me too. I talk to them on myspace, or we will arrange a big get together like once a month. Even just going to the cinema or out to dinner - arrange something, i bet they are up for it. But saying that - being alone at times is good. I dont like seeing friends all the time.

Forget about these 'friends', one who is messing around with your crush and the other selling your things on eBay. Thats crappy. Dont waste your time on them. You can meet new people in college or taking up a hobbie or sport or whatever interests you. When you join a club, there are always people there who will be friendly - you already have a plus - they must like at least one thinsg the same as you if they are in the club you know??

Its easier said than done but try to cut down on the smoking and drinking. I admit i do it sometimes, but try filling your time with something new instead of just always turning to that. If you do it to relax or for stress, find other ways to get it out. Like excerise or reading or listening to music etc.

Ok its sad to find out some of your friends may have been using you for your car and stuff, but now at least you know and you dont need to waste your time with them anymore. You dont need people like this is your life. You are better than that and you deserve better.

Dont compare yourself to other family members. You cant be them, you are you. We all have good talents, sometimes we just dont know about them right away. I think im useless, crap at everything - but iv not tried everything in the world. I dont know what im good at - nothing i think sometimes. But in truth we all have a talent for something, you should try lots of new things out this year. You will not only meet new people but also discover more about yourself.

Im glad you have only thought of suicide and not taken them any further. I do a lot. But i think of the people around me, not myself. Just keep thinking of them when you fee down. Write a list and keep it somewhere you can look at it if you are feeling crap.

What do you want to aim for in life? Again write it down somewhere you can look it up easily but not were you will see it everyday. If you dont achieve what you wanted in the week it could make you feel crappy. But do keep it handy. This could be what you want to achieve by this time next year or even next month. In the future it could be: having a family, going travelling, becoming a...whatever. What you want to do in life, doesnt need to all career wise either, personal things. This is you setting a goal for yourself, a realilistic goal. When we have goals in mind, we tend to think more optimisticly. You could try this too.

Ah ok i have gone on a bit but really i can relate to you. So yeah if you want to talk more tonight, tomorrow or next month - im here. Taking the first step can be hard, but once you do, it all starts to fall into place one way or another. Dont give up, your strong. You were brave to post this - get it out. Now put it to use and change everything on this list you created to something positive. Good luck.

Edit: I cant spell good.

Post edited at 5:08 pm on Sep. 30, 2006 by fallen angel laura

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"I wish I never yelled at him yesterday cause everything's changed"

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thanks guys that was a lot of really helpful things you said i think i will try to start being more positive about things and trying to consider myself better i think i just think of myself as so worthless and that nothing is ever going to be as fun as it uuse to be. i loved life up until like 2 months ago and it seemed like everything was going downhill i know i have change i just am so shy in this new college environment i dont know hwat to do. i feel scared to meet people

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Confidence is the key. Believe in yourself. I just started highschool (I know i'm still young, lol) and that's exactly how i felt. But what helps me out is reading books on gaining confidence. They really inspire me. If you have confidence people will WANT to hang out with you!

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.