1. Go to a nuclear weapons facility. 2. Plug in the lava lamp to distract the guards.
3. Pick the lock with the paper clip.
4. If a guard who hasn't been distracted by the lava lamp yet sees you, throw the 27 cents on the ground, and he'll go for it, being the under-paid security guard that he is.
5. Once you're inside, there should be another guard, but he'll likely have been distracted by either the money or lava lamp. If he hasn't been then you'll have to sneak up behind him, and subdue him with the Coke can with a small bump on the head.
6. Get to the control panel, where, by now, there should be no guard because between a lava lamp, 27 cents, and a knocked out guard to distract him. On the off-chance that there is one, slip the earth magnet into his pocket, and when he least expects it, push him up against a metal wall.
7. You'll probably need some kind of access key or something to use the weapon. You can get around this by whipping out your final item: the soldering iron. Desolder the control panel's wires that lead the ignition button. Cross these wires, and congratulations. Your mission was successful.