About 3 years ago, my cousin came onto me, and I was really nieve about sex at the time. He's even a year younger than me. Anyway, I was all confused and gave in, not really knowing what else to do. By the time I visited again, I knew quite a bit more, and that what we were doing was wrong beyond all considerations. But I coundn't stop it, I didn't even try all that hard and still went along with all of it.

It's happened quite a few more times after that, but a year ago, New Year's Eve, I finally told him no and he was really pissed. But I got it to stop. It made things really umcomfortable between us.

Anyway, where I'm getting at is that this year, my aunt and her family came down to visit us. And just this morning, while I was still asleep, my cousin told my boyfriend that we've had sex.

Mu uncle heard, and the first thing I see when I wake up is my uncle dragging me out of bed and into the livingroom. And I was still out of it when he started throwing questions at me and there was so much yelling. A lot of it is still a haze for me, but I need help with how to deal with this.

I always felt so guilty and finally, finally right before christmas, at church, I was able to forgive myself as much as I could. Now it's all come back slapping me in the face. I was so ready to put it all behind me! I haven't spoken to him yet today, but we are both gonna go through hell for a long while. But I'm so scared...and I still feel like crying, even though I've been freaking crying all day, and I never cry.

I feel horrible, and I've got such a bad headace, and right now every single fmily memeber here is at eachother's throats, trying to pin the blame.

I seriously don't know what to do.

I don't even know why he said what he did....and my boyfriend gave me the dirtiest look ever...I'm so messed up.

I really fucked up, I'm so lost as to what to do...and I'm old enough to be kicked out...and I'm afraid all of it is gonna pull back to me, since I'm a year older.

Any advice? Please?

Be strong.

Shit like that sept not family invovled kinda happened to me and now i can talk about it without and gilt cause i just forgot about it and let it pass away. =)

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drink anyone?

Having said that.. Good luck.
I hope it blows over.

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My whole existance is flawed

Right now it seems you'll really need to explain yourself and try and tell your family what was going on. Tell them that the first time it happened you didn't know what was going on, and it basically seems like he raped you.

Later you realized it was wrong and yet still went along with it. That was bad of you, you should tell them that it was a mistake and that you've learned from it. Tell them basically what you've told us. That you were ready to put it behind you and never do that again. You need to tell them that you denied your cousin after you knew much more about the consequences of such actions, and therefore caused what appears to be this stab at hurting you out of spite from him.

Personally, I say beat him at his own game, but be completely honest.

Now about your boyfriend. Tell him what happened, and that you didn't mean or want it to be or even turn out this way at all.

Really from this perspective it doesn't seem to be your fault at all. I suggest that you try and get your family to see were you are coming from in all of this.

Regardless to say, I am really sorry this happened to you. This has probably made a huge mark in hurting relations with your family and boyfriend all because of your cousin.

Pm me if you need anything.

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'Let "desire" be forever stricken from the dictionary, and
from the soul! I retreat before the dizzying farce of
tomorrows. And if I still cling to a few hopes, I have lost
forever the faculty of hoping.' - E.M Cioran

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really it is your problem to because you let him do it the first time and all the other times....
you had the chance to say no and you didnt so to me it sounds like you wanted it the first time and all the other times.

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