Freshmen in this major are supposed to have calculus,and be finished with science. Okay, then I think, maybe engineering just isn't for me. I never liked math, or science, and yet I'm trying to make it my life. Why. For one, I have taken out a 10000 loan, and I used it, and I have to pay it back. Engineers make good money. And I like computers. There probably are other options that deal with computers, without the science and math, but the money isn't there. How would I ever pay this back.

I really am trying my best. Everything, I have. Maybe it just isn 't meant for me. My dad said he dropped out after two years. I can't. I just can not. There is nothing else for me but school. Why can't I keep up, and just be smart enough. This is really killing me. I have to make a decision about what I want. I just want to make my parents happy, really. That's why I want to do this. I want to conqueor this science and math, I do, but I don't think I can. I don't really care about myself any. I'm doing this for my parents. Since I was born, they've wanted to see me be successful. That's why, I'm doing this. I don't care about my own happiness as much as I do making them happy. I don't know what I want, really.

I guess the point I'm trying to get to is ... I'm not happy. I'm tired, and sometimes I wanna sleep forever. Yet, I'm somehow motivated to get up and go out. I think I'm trying to find myself still, I am. I'm looking foward to it happening so that I can have meaning.

-------
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
 - George Carlin

However, all I can tell you is that if you put out and never give up, you will eventually come through this, and be a stronger person for it.

We Marines have a saying, "Pain is weakness leaving the body."  You will get through this, stay strong.

-------
War is old men talking and young men dying.
LW Military Group - War is swell.

I took Chem in highschool and did terrible, I just couldn't understand it.  However, I am taking it this semester and I just seem to understand it.  Maybe going in for extra help, or getting someone else to explain it to you would be beneficial.  Something about chem is you cannot skip a class.  You will end up getting behind if you just skip one of those classes.  

You are worring way to much about the future right now when you are only a freshman in college.  You should be proud of yourself because you at least have some direction in your life.  Most people don't know what they are going to do until their junior year.  

What you need to do is stop comparing yourself to what you 'think' being successful is, and start focusing on things that you do that make your parents proud.  I'm sure they are proud at the mere fact that you are in college trying your hardest.  Just because you don't 'think' you are smart enough doesn't mean you aren't.  Always remember you are your toughest critic.

- keep your head up

-------
:)