Aww..don't worry, I understand what you're saying. I can relate to a lot of it. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, I suggest you do, because you need to release these feelings somewhere and come up with a logical plan to stop the downward spiral that you're going in. With all this crying and not feeling like yourself, you may even need a depression medication, and that's okay. And I've had my pet cat die, so I know what that's like to...pets are like family, so I know it must be scary thinking something could be wrong with your dog. But my best advice is to see a therapist, get evaluated for depression etc, and also--keep a diary. It's good to write down stuff that's bothering you and reflect.
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