ive got alot on my mind so im going to spilt up into a few posts in the next few days.

alright, first of all. i cant see my future. i ususalyl project what i can do, and how well i can do it. now, im a mess because i dont know where im going. so i finish school, fine. its going to be tough, but im pretty sure i can handle that.

ive got alot of health problems. and i refuse to let them get in the way of my daily life. recently my health is acting up and its difficult to go to school everyday. when i really think about it, if i cant operate going to school, then how am i supposed to be able to hold a job down?

its not just the job. i cant even see myself getting married, or having children. unless theres a cure, i cant possibly put the commitment into those things. its not that i dont want to commit, but my body wont allow me to. i just dont know what to do. my ultimate goal in life is to raise a child better than my parents raised me.

im afraid that if i do get a child, that he or she will turn out just like me and i dont want that to happen. my condition is said to be inherited, i cant possibly place that burden on my child.

without an ultimate goal, the only thing i can do is keep on living life day by day without any goals. short term goals dont work for me either.

its just hard to keep living when there really isnt anything lying in front of you. like a sailboat in the fog, it woudlnt make a difference if it sank or stayed afloat

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You can't spell Caucasian without Asian