Can't stop crying, -- LiveWire Teen Forums

The first thing I see here is that you seem to have a bit of a problem with your mum, which I honestly think you'd feel better about if you tried to sort things out with her. You mentioned that she's only seen you in a state of depression three times, and each time it's been really quite disastrous. You also mentioned that two years after your mum was first concerned about your moods, all your moods had been denied. Can I ask why you felt you had to hide all the tears and hurt and everything like that? Hiding it absolutely never makes it better, as all the emotions just build up more and more and eventually they DO come out, usually in more negative ways. You know, you don't have to hide what you're feeling. Your mum doesn't have to see you in a state of depression just once, twice or three times. If you're feeling bad then there is nothing wrong with showing how you feel. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's not something people will get angry about (or, at least, they shouldn't). It sounds to me that your mum HAS been concerned about you in the past - when she said she was sorry that she wasn't good enough, to me, that sounds to very sad on her part. Like she wants things to be better for you, and if she possibly could, she would make you happier. I'm not saying that this IS what she's feeling, but that's what I got from what she said. To me, it sounds like she does want things to be different for you, even if you don't quite see that. And if she's just assuming what's going on with you, don't you think that's because she doesn't know? Because you haven't told her

I'm not criticising you for not expressing your emotions and talking about how you feel. I realise that's a really, really difficult thing to do and it can only really be done through time, and it can only be done if you feel comfortable enough talking to the people around you. Would it be possible at all for you to try talking to your mum about how you feel? To explain to her why you feel as you do, to try and help her understand a little more? The only way to get your life back on track is to make changes, positive changes. I think talking to your mum and trying to sort out your relationship with her would definitely be a positive change. Do you think you could try that? And, if not, would it be possible for you to see a doctor or counselor or just someone like that, so you have at least someone to talk to about these things that are getting to you? You've had to deal with all of this for such a long time on your own, but that can begin to change, yeah?

You do have hope, though. I know you do, or you wouldn't be writing here, you wouldn't be worried about hurting your family, you wouldn't still be here. And for as long as you have hope, things can absolutely get better for you. I think you do care about the here and now, about your future, and about being happy. Happiness is possible for you, but you must stop telling yourself that you're beyond help. No one is beyond help, yeah? Right now a lot of the possible positive feelings you could experience are clouded up by the anger that you're feeling. However, as you begin to work on that anger and whatever else, it'll clear up the clouds a little and you'll begin to feel those positive things again. I really think it just takes a lot of time and work. Thing is, you have time, right? We all have forever to work on our problems.

One thing I think is really important for you is that you work on all those feelings from the past. Whether that be with your family, on your own, with a doctor and counselor, whoever. I do think it's something that needs to be addressed and dealt with, so try and keep that in mind, yeah? If things have happened in the past that still hurt you now, that NEEDS dealt with in order for you to move on with a happier life.

All I ever wanted was to know if my existence is and will be worth anything. Yet, I can't convince myself to give me that reason. As shitty as I feel I only see myself of wanting to be here because of one person. That one person can't even help me, because he's in his own denial. He's my dad and he can't even protect me.. But, I remain not to hurt him, but it tough. I feel so selfish for my past actions now.

Can I ask why your existence isn't worth anything? Is it because you're sad and hurting and whatnot, or is there something else? I find that so incredibly sad, because above all, you should love and care for yourself. Life for yourself because you ARE special and your life IS worth something. I really think it's so important that you work on loving yourself and realising your own self worth, y'know? This can be done with the help of a professional, if that's at all possible for you.

I also want to echo a little of what MariJani mentioned. You're focusing so hard on the negatives in your life because that's how you're feeling, so you're forgetting a little about the positives in your life. They ARE there, you just have to look for them and seek them out. Having a positive mindset can do the absolute world of good, just as negativity can do all sorts of bad things to you emotionally.

Your life is your own, and you have a very, very long time out ahead of you. That doesn't all have to be bad, but you're going to have to start making changes. You can absolutely be happy in the future, I fully believe that, but I do think it's so important that you start working on the things that are making you feel bad now. For your own good, y'know?

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it's broken beyond repair. it's in a million little pieces.

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