So do they allow suicidal teens to take said sharp objects in to wards or am I going to have to find a way of sneaking something in?

-------
Donnie: Frank? When's this gonna stop?
Frank: ...You should already know that.

I can honestly understand why you felt uncomfortable when you were being shown around that place you're going. I mean, being in that situation is never going to be the most comfortable of things, so even though it felt horrible, I will point out that everything you're feeling IS natural, considering the circumstances. Maybe try to think of it this way though - that's it done. The first time you'll have to go there and check the place out is over and done with and you got through it. That's really something, right? Now, I'm not saying that some of the other things you're going to have do to aren't going to be scary and all the rest of it, but at least now you know that you CAN do it, right? It was scary and it didn't make you feel good at all, but you got through it. And you can absolutely get through it again.

To be completely honest, I don't think they'll let you take in razor blades and everything like that. I mean, it kind of defeats the whole purpose of what's trying to be achieved, right? And I know from previous experiences with family members that they won't let you have anything that you can harm yourself with. I mean, if you think about it logically it just wouldn't be right if they let you take along your razor blades and stuff and just let you cut away, because that's exactly the thing that they're wanting to help you stop doing, y'know? I wouldn't even bother trying to sneak something in if I were you, because I just don't see that plan working out. I'm not exactly sure what situation you'll be in when you get there, and I'm not going to go on and on about you not self harming, because I can see just how much you're relying on it at the moment. However, I will point out that while you're in there, they will help you with that. You'll hopefully learn new ways to cope, other things that keep you sane, and you'll find new crutches and everything like that, y'know? I'm not saying that going away for a while is going to make it all better and give you absolutely every answer you need, but I do sincerely hope it's going to be a huge help for you, and when you're ready to leave you hopefully won't feel the need to rely on self harming as you do now.

About your mum though. I'm going to just be honest - I think you need to talk to her and explain how you're feeling. Tell her that you need your space, not because you don't love her or want her near you, but because you NEED that space in order to focus on yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just letting her know that it really saddens you to see her in such a mess at the moment, and that it would probably be best for you to both have your space - explain that you feel you'd maybe benefit from some space, and she can use that time to work on herself and to work on making herself feel better too. Think you could do that? I know it's not the easiest thing in the world to do and I know the added stress of having to talk to her just might not help your situation right now, but maybe it's really something that needs to be done. If you honestly think you'd benefit from your own space from her right now, then please give talking to her about it a shot.

Once again though, in answer to your question, I honestly don't think they're going to let you in with your blades and whatnot. Here's hoping that throughout your stay there they'll really help you with that though, yeah? Hopefully this will help you find new ways of coping, so you won't rely so heavily on harming yourself. I also just want to take this opportunity to let you know that I think you're doing an incredibly brave thing. Honestly. You've done such a brave and amazing thing in going through with all of this, because I know for sure that for a lot of people, they would just carry on feeling horrible and continue with the suicide attempts and everything like this. I wish I'd had the courage you do now to actually DO something about all the bad stuff. Anyway. I just thought I'd let you know that.

Best of luck to you. I hope things go ok for you whilst you're in the ward, I really and truly do. Keep in touch too, yeah? Let me know how you get on, maybe.
Take care of yourself. And you know I'm about, should you ever wish to chat at all.

-------
it's broken beyond repair. it's in a million little pieces.

I would like to begin by explaining that it is important for you to establish what exactly is giving you such high anxiety that you are harming yourself. it's possible that whatever is making you so upset is within your environment. Being pulled out of it could be all of the healing you need alone. There are so many more effective (and less dangerous) also less scarring means of dealing with your stress and anxiety.

I could answer your question for you; I highly doubt that there is any way you can take a blade with you into an institution. Most institutions do complete body and bag searches to find any razors, drugs, alcohol, etc. Is there a way to sneak it in? I suppose there could be, but that doesn't mean that you will be able to get away with it for long. most institutions look for fresh cuts on a patient. Especially if self mutilation is involved in their pasts.

Why don't you try to use this time as a trial? While you're there you could try and get off of your crutch and rehabilitate yourself in healthy ways. You will constantly be surrounded by medical professionals who can help you deal as well as other people who have been through/ are going through the same thing as you. I think that your best resource at this time is definitely talking. Being honest with others will help you realize a lot about yourself. It's when you keep something inside of yourself that you evade getting the proper help that you need. You will already be in the best place you can be; utilize your time and get better rather then just survive.

Now I will outline a few methods that really help people cope with their anxiety in completely harm-free ways.

---

Oh, hey! I've been meaning to send you a wee message to see how you were getting on, but I guess all that can be done and seen here, aye?

I can honestly understand why you felt uncomfortable when you were being shown around that place you're going. I mean, being in that situation is never going to be the most comfortable of things, so even though it felt horrible, I will point out that everything you're feeling IS natural, considering the circumstances. Maybe try to think of it this way though - that's it done. The first time you'll have to go there and check the place out is over and done with and you got through it. That's really something, right? Now, I'm not saying that some of the other things you're going to have do to aren't going to be scary and all the rest of it, but at least now you know that you CAN do it, right? It was scary and it didn't make you feel good at all, but you got through it. And you can absolutely get through it again.

To be completely honest, I don't think they'll let you take in razor blades and everything like that. I mean, it kind of defeats the whole purpose of what's trying to be achieved, right? And I know from previous experiences with family members that they won't let you have anything that you can harm yourself with. I mean, if you think about it logically it just wouldn't be right if they let you take along your razor blades and stuff and just let you cut away, because that's exactly the thing that they're wanting to help you stop doing, y'know? I wouldn't even bother trying to sneak something in if I were you, because I just don't see that plan working out. I'm not exactly sure what situation you'll be in when you get there, and I'm not going to go on and on about you not self harming, because I can see just how much you're relying on it at the moment. However, I will point out that while you're in there, they will help you with that. You'll hopefully learn new ways to cope, other things that keep you sane, and you'll find new crutches and everything like that, y'know? I'm not saying that going away for a while is going to make it all better and give you absolutely every answer you need, but I do sincerely hope it's going to be a huge help for you, and when you're ready to leave you hopefully won't feel the need to rely on self harming as you do now.

About your mum though. I'm going to just be honest - I think you need to talk to her and explain how you're feeling. Tell her that you need your space, not because you don't love her or want her near you, but because you NEED that space in order to focus on yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just letting her know that it really saddens you to see her in such a mess at the moment, and that it would probably be best for you to both have your space - explain that you feel you'd maybe benefit from some space, and she can use that time to work on herself and to work on making herself feel better too. Think you could do that? I know it's not the easiest thing in the world to do and I know the added stress of having to talk to her just might not help your situation right now, but maybe it's really something that needs to be done. If you honestly think you'd benefit from your own space from her right now, then please give talking to her about it a shot.

Once again though, in answer to your question, I honestly don't think they're going to let you in with your blades and whatnot. Here's hoping that throughout your stay there they'll really help you with that though, yeah? Hopefully this will help you find new ways of coping, so you won't rely so heavily on harming yourself. I also just want to take this opportunity to let you know that I think you're doing an incredibly brave thing. Honestly. You've done such a brave and amazing thing in going through with all of this, because I know for sure that for a lot of people, they would just carry on feeling horrible and continue with the suicide attempts and everything like this. I wish I'd had the courage you do now to actually DO something about all the bad stuff. Anyway. I just thought I'd let you know that.

Best of luck to you. I hope things go ok for you whilst you're in the ward, I really and truly do. Keep in touch too, yeah? Let me know how you get on, maybe.
Take care of yourself. And you know I'm about, should you ever wish to chat at all.

---

---

Hey there

I would like to begin by explaining that it is important for you to establish what exactly is giving you such high anxiety that you are harming yourself. it's possible that whatever is making you so upset is within your environment. Being pulled out of it could be all of the healing you need alone. There are so many more effective (and less dangerous) also less scarring means of dealing with your stress and anxiety.

I could answer your question for you; I highly doubt that there is any way you can take a blade with you into an institution. Most institutions do complete body and bag searches to find any razors, drugs, alcohol, etc. Is there a way to sneak it in? I suppose there could be, but that doesn't mean that you will be able to get away with it for long. most institutions look for fresh cuts on a patient. Especially if self mutilation is involved in their pasts.

Why don't you try to use this time as a trial? While you're there you could try and get off of your crutch and rehabilitate yourself in healthy ways. You will constantly be surrounded by medical professionals who can help you deal as well as other people who have been through/ are going through the same thing as you. I think that your best resource at this time is definitely talking. Being honest with others will help you realize a lot about yourself. It's when you keep something inside of yourself that you evade getting the proper help that you need. You will already be in the best place you can be; utilize your time and get better rather then just survive.

Now I will outline a few methods that really help people cope with their anxiety in completely harm-free ways.

The rubber band method

You may have heard of this before. This is the most commonly used therapeutic thing. It's mostly used for cutters; but even people who just have high anxiety and don't self mutilate are sometimes advised to do this as well. What you do is wear a semi-tight (tight on your wrist, yet not cutting off circulation obviously) rubber band on your wrist. When you feel the urge to cut or when something makes your anxiety sky-rocket you snap the rubberband against your wrist. The bands snap isolates your senses to focusing on that area. It's really just the same effect as cutting only without all of the damage. These are great in preventing panic attacks. You should definitely try this.

Medication

I know that some people are completely against being medicated, but often the people whom are the most against it haven't even experienced the changes themself. Trying medication for a little while isn't going to "permanently change" you. That's mainly the concern that people have seeing as it is a commonly spread myth. It would be good if you at least gave it a try just to see how it goes. It could be a lot better than you think. My best friend is on medication and she was the least person I thought ever would medicate herself. SHe loves it. She really is back to her old self again. She's happy.

Herbal remedies

I guess I should begin by putting the word legal in front of herbal. (haha) I'm sure that drugs would do the job to - but just like cutting they would be extremely harmful for your body. What I am suggesting by herbal remedies is more along the lines of a tea. You can purchase herbal tea pretty much anywhere. It is completely safe and it relaxes your system. The more relaxed you are, the least likely you are to have high anxiety. You can't get addicted to herbal tea, and it's not illegal anywhere. Just make sure that you don't get the sleep-aid herbal tea unless you have a good 8 hours to devote to sleeping.

Counseling

A lot of people are to scared or ashamed to seek counseling, but honestly a counselor's job description is not to judge you. It's to embrace your illnesses and help talk you through them. Plus for every screwed up kid out there, I guarantee that he or she has seen so many kids that have had way worse or more embarrassing problems. He/she will really help you identify the root of your depression. They will probably encourage you to use medication. They won't force it on you, though.

Do you ever have suicidal thoughts? If you do, please mention that while at the institution. Once again, while you are there you really need to get the help. I guarantee you that building is full of people whom are suicidal. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed of anything. The most important thing on the agenda is getting your emotional health in order.

Please get help for your cutting. There are so many more effective ways to deal with your anxiety that won't leave permanent scars on your body. Scars that you future children and all of your family - employers - employees, etc etc will see one day. Stop now while you are young.

If you ever need any further advice feel free to send me a PM or respond on here.

---

---

Thanks for replying, it helped hugely, thanks.
I talked to my psychiatrist and it doesn't sound like they'd let me take them in with me anyway, I really don't think I can cope without them. I mean it's hard enough just talking about it with people, she asked to see where I was cutting, and I just freaked out, like big time, I already had to show the nurse yesterday while I was getting bloods done.
I don't know, d'you think there's anyway I'd be able to get it past them?
I'll definitely talk to my Mum about her staying, I don't think it would be good for either of us to be too close at the moment.
I'm allowed home on some weekends, so I'll write you an email every now and then when I can.
Thankyou, you don't realise how much talking to you has helped.
You're a wonderful person, I hope you know that.

---

I can understand to a degree. Being so open and having to show someone your scars can make you feel so incredibly vulnerable, and it wasn't perhaps the best thing to have been done to you, especially with the way you're feeling right now. The thing is, in my opinion, stuff like this has to be taken so slowly and in your own time - that really is essential. Self harming is something you're heavily relying on right now, and while I'm not saying it's the most ideal solution, it simply is the way things are whether we like it or not, and recovering from that is going to take some time. Your own time.

Thing is, though, it's going to take a lot of effort, too. And a lot of sacrifices, on your part. You're already seeing that, of course, in having to go to this ward and whatnot. I think you're doing so well, and are being so incredibly mature with all of this, so I DO honestly think you should give yourself praise and recognition for this. I'm in awe of how you're going about this - so very maturely, aware of your own feelings and how certain things make you feel. Thing is, (not only would I get shouted at by the mods!) I just wouldn't feel right giving you tips on how to get razors in or whatever. I can sympathise with you so very much, and I honestly do feel for you reading what you're going through and dealing with, and make no mistake, I DO understand that you're relying on the self harm, and I understand why, to a degree, you're relying on it. One thing I will point out though, is that you're going to be safe in there. You might struggle hugely without being able to self harm, but not only will it prove to you that you CAN cope without it, you'll also be safe - there'll be no change of you attempting suicide because people will be looking after you. I know it's not ideal, I know it's not what you want to happen, but you WILL survive this. Even though you don't quite believe it just yet - I know you can't imagine not have the security, of sorts, of the self harm - you'll get by.

I completely understand that my saying that you'll get through this isn't actual help, but I really think only time will show you, yeah?

And thankyou, too. Would appreciate it muchly if you were to keep in touch. :]

-------
it's broken beyond repair. it's in a million little pieces.