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CITY OF NEWBURGH — If you hear a scuffle, call the police, the woman told her friend on the phone. The friend did exactly that minutes later.

This was shortly after 5 p.m. Wednesday, and the woman had just unlocked her apartment door. The lights were on. The door to the balcony was chained. It seemed weird.

Earlier, the 22-year-old had filed a complaint against a man named David Joe Limones with Newburgh police.

The friend stayed on the line as the woman searched her apartment.

Finding nothing, the woman sat on her couch. She felt a bump in the cushions and then she felt the bump move.

Police said that was Limones, a 27-year-old who lived around the corner on Lake Drive.

According to the police report, Limones used a box cutter to carve a space for himself in the couch, then climbed inside to wait. When the woman jumped up and ran, he flipped over the couch and came after her.

Police heard the woman screaming in the background of a neighbor's call to report an unwanted male.

When officers arrived, they spotted Limones and the woman on the balcony arguing. Police arrested Limones on a variety of charges, including burglary, a felony. He went to Orange County Jail in lieu of $20,000 bail or $100,000 bond.

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i too regularly live inside of people's couches so i can chase after them to hold balcony arguments

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what do i write here, hatesyou

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lol i watch cops so hearing this stuff in intresting in a way.

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lol i sneak into other peopls homes and cut holes into their couchs so hearing this stuff from the other side is interesting in a way.

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CALL JG WENTWORTH
It's your money, use it when you need it.
877-CASH-NOW

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Sounds like he thought this out pretty well...

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His thought process:

Hmm
Knife
Couch
Hole
Hide

tee hee tee hee hee

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True like the sun coming up each morning.
True as the light in a baby's smile.