I'm going to try to divide this into sections.  I'll try to make it as short as possible and might even cut some things -Hope it makes sense, and if it doesn't then please ask and I'll explain more. I just want good advice because this is scary. Please?

Well let's start saying that I moved to another country and didn't adapt to the school system all that well. I had a depressive episode and dropped in the middle of the semester because to be honest it wasn't working. I had already missed too many classes and mentally I wasn't strong enough to focus in anything (This is also related to other issues which I won't mention to not make this a really long).

Since then I've been thinking and analyzing things. These two /three months have been a path of self discovery. This whole change was extremely abrupt for me and caused me lots of problems (Emotionally, Physically, Mentally, etc; -All my familiar things disappeared and my lack of control of the situation made me feel vulnerable to the point of causing me to break down several times... Among other things-) but I've learned a lot about myself and realized lots of things; so I don't exactly call it a waste of time. It was more like a bump in the road and now it's time to keep going. I think that I need to make the right decision right now to assure myself what type of person I want to be and not let my past experiences define me. I can't live attach to the past and it's about time I move on.

Today I went to bed and couldn't sleep. I was there thinking about things until suddenly things started to seem clear and I told myself: "It's now or never. I can't keep living like this and I have to take matters into my own hands."

I want to be better and create the life that I want. I know that I'm intelligent person and because of that I should use things into my own advantage to succeed in life. I need to make compromises to achieve my goals; even if that means having another abrupt change in my life. I want lots of things and I can't spend my whole life dreaming/hoping for a miracle. If I want one then I need to make it happen.

I'm in 11* grade and I need less than 7 credits to graduate, which means at least a year and half of school (maybe less if I work my ass off... which I kinda want).  Initially I thought about doing it on-line but now I've realized that if I do it that way I'll end up isolating myself and that will contribute to make things worse. I'm a very social person and I like to be involved in school. I've always been a good student and I don't see why things should change now. I need to get involved again.

I decided that I'm going to take an on-line course this summer to try to recuperate at least a credit of this failed semester and then go back to school next school year (AKA September 08)  but there's a BUT in this whole situation;  A big one.

I moved to this country with my mom and sister. My relationship with my mother is frankly terrible and I really think that it's the best if I moved away and avoided being near her as much as possible. We just don't work together and it's about time that I realize this and start to move on. My whole family situation is really complicated. My mother is addicted to nicotine, suffers from nerves and haves horrible temperamental break outs. My father who lives in other country is an alcoholic and although I considered moving with him I've realized that It's impossible, plus he's potentially moving back with my family on late August.

Now I know that my parents (family) aren't bad people but I just can't keep this up. I don't want to be like them and it scares me that we share so many characteristics. I just need t be on my own and figure who I am and what I want to do/be in life. Develop my individuality and stop being so attach to my family. I'm 17 almost and it's about time.  I've been trying to be a grown up since I was 9. I practically raised my little sister at one point and had to deal with the house. I know that perhaps I'm trying to grow up too fast but that's just how I am. Perhaps distance is going to be beneficial and make the relationship better and give me the liberty to focus on myself and fix my issues. Get away from my comfort zone.

My grandparents/Aunt offered me the possibility of moving with them (Right about the same time I dropped school. Like I month after); at first I neglected the offer without much hesitation because I was in a bad place of my life and didn't want to change my whole environment again. Now I'm starting to think about it and it seems appealing. The problem is before I moved to this country I didn't get to be much time with this side of my family (My mother's side) and as a result I don't know them all that much. I know that they are good people and that they care but still I'm afraid. I'm too used to a certain type of living (living with my family) and changing and adapting to them is kinda scary but I suppose that's just part of life.

I looked into the High school's web page. The program isn't all that good but it works. It doesn't have the courses I was looking forward to take but I can compromise that and perhaps look into taking similar courses of my interest when I finish High school and start college.  No biggie there. (Maybe I could also look into the catholic high school, although I'm not catholic but I think that's not a problem; and see what courses they have. I guess I can figure this out later).  I could move with them this summer, start to get used to the whole situation and then start school on September.  I could also get a job and perhaps even start to work on my driver's licence. I'll meet new people and use this as an opportunity to reinvent myself and do things the best way I can. I'll force myself to not break down again and with the peace of mind of not having these problems around me I'll focus in school more and don't skip a lot. I guess that the whole fact that they don't know me all that much will make me try harder to kind of get their approval or something like that (I suppose that's not bad. I like to push myself.)

I'm trying to get this in my head and do it. I tend to get too excited and then I start to analyze things and get afraid and end up not doing them. . I don't want this to happen now. I have to make it definitive and be sure that this is the best decision. What can I do to avoid doing this? I don't want to go back once my mind is set. I'm very insecure when it comes to making decisions. I don't trust myself enough. I know I shouldn't but I'm still working on that. I analyze things a lot; I suppose that's the problem. i get scared when I think of all the possible repercussions.

If I move with them I'd have to compromise in LOT'S of things. First of all I wouldn't get to talk with my friends, family, etc; from back home (The other country) as much and that's going to be difficult but I guess I could work it out even if it hurts badly. I have to move on, right? - It's just a requirement. I won't get to use the Internet that much. That's a problem because that's how I tend to keep in touch with them but I can make it without it. I suppose I'll start to write letters.

I'll have to live by their rules and learn to live with them and adapt.  I know that I might hate it at first but girl haves to do what a girl haves to do. I suppose that it isn't that bad. I'll lose lots of things but I'll avoid these constant problems on my house and perhaps even do better in school and enjoy my teenage years. I'm young and I think that I need to do this.  I won't get as much freedom and stuff like that but I guess I need to talk to them first and negotiate and accept what they give me. I'm thinking about calling them and going to stay with them this week or the other and sit down and talk about it.

Is this a good idea? Am I doing what's right? - This whole thing could change lot's of things IN A HUGE WAY. What sort of things should I do? consider? find out about? Ask? ... etc, before going to talk to my grandparents/aunt. What should I say, mention, etc. It's going to be a serious talk and I want to let them know that I've though about it a lot and I'm willing to behave in order to satisfy their needs and mine. I'll even help around the house and all.

PS: My mom wouldn't mind. That's not a problem.

i know it's long but I'll appreciate it deeply. I need input, help me.

I know that I'll need to talk about her about money for my stuff; I don't want my grandparents to support me and all. I want a job but that's going to be more like personal money and I don't know. I need to think about that. How to do with the expenses and all of that. How much money will I need and how much money should I ask for monthly. Things like that. (I know that money isn't an issue in this case but I want to be prepare in all the possible ways...)... Any other things I should think about? Food, clothes, school, education? what? I WANT TO BE PREPARE.

Post edited at 3:04 am on June 24, 2008 by Anonymous

UPDATE: I talked to my grandparents, mom, dad.. etc. My mom sides that she'll provide the money and all and.. idk she's sad about it and kinda resented but idk i already feel like shit but i don't think that's reason enough to back up.

My uncle is coming for me tomorrow and i'll be staying there for a week and talk about the big things and all of this with them.

I'm already freak out about this whole situation and I'm scared and kinda sick but ... I suppose I have to do it. I really need advice about it. plz

Post edited at 10:50 am on June 24, 2008 by Anonymous

You've spoken to your grandparents/aunt about this and you are going to spend a week with them. During this week see how you like the place, because if you don't like spending the week there what will it be like when and if you decide to move there?

About the sort of questions you should ask, I would leave it until a few days into your trip and just ask things about what would be expected if you choose to move because you have to be able to BOTH compromise on arrangements and make agreements which both are happy with.

Something you mention is not being able to keep in touch with people. This would mean you having to make new connections and new friends. Not the easiest thing but you said you are a social person so I'm sure it wouldn't be that difficult for you to do to be honest. As you haven't settled in to a school or anything where you are now you have kind of isolated yourself really in a sense that you haven't made connections to be people and you haven't enjoyed your time there.

Moving would mean you get to change who you are, a NEW you in a sense because nobody knows you there, which by the sounds of it maybe be good for you as you seem to prefer to be independent, and think being away from parents might help with that. Also think of all the things you can do. Studying at a new place and settling in, instead of starting mid year which I know it's the easiest of things to do. You will be able to do things like get a job, start paying your way and like you said start to learn for your licence. My opinion is that a move might help you because it would mean having the turn around you need.

You said about being on the road of self discovery well maybe you need to take this path to discover how you can cope and deal. Also it will help you in developing valuable life skills which you will need later on in your life. So you would be gaining something out of this whole experience, which is what life is about.


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