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i am breaking apart |
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 Replies: 5 — Last Post May 24, 2008 4:59am by nikki
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( Raging Inferno )
Visionary
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everything is so fucked. everything just went wrong today.
everything goes wrong every single day. i'm breaking under the pressure, losing my mind again.
i just can't be normal. i'm turning inward.
screaming just isn't possible anymore, my voice is too damaged. I feel faint. absolutely. speaking to.
couldn't do it very long. least i did it. cannot do anything right. just failing at everything again. i'm sorry i can't feel okay. i dont know what okay is. maybe its something different than feeling like this. going back and forth....sinking lower and lower...and feeling the suicidal thoughts and feelings of worthlessness arise within my empty self. No one knows, and they never needed to know for reason. They would never have done anything but abandon me even faster.
oh whatever. nothing matters anymore. everything goes wrong for me. everything has been screwed up.
I'm too miserable inside to deal with people...that only see whats on the outside...they haven't even tried to talk to me, one of them i decided i was gonna speak to first, that went okay, although i could've been less shaky, but it went all right nonetheless. the other one i am not even going to bother, because of what i have seen.
but even doing that took so much out of me. then i had a stupid test to take. then i lost my gym stuff in the rain, and i had to walk home...now i am blaring the music, twitching,headache,
pains shooting everywhere. cant type much longer.
i give up, i'm going to get some rest.
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 LiveWire Humor
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nikki
music is power
 Patron
Support Leader
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Wow. That sounds more like a rant than anything else, and as it's all very muddled, I'm not so sure how I should go about trying to help. It sounds to me like you need to take a break. A break from everything that's causing any stress in your life right now. I assume that it's nearly summer break there too. Well, my advice would be this. Take however long you need out of that summer break and just.., be. Do whatever YOU want to do. Be that sleep, shop, read, play sport - anything, just do it. From what I can gather, you're under a lot of pressure right now, and that seems to be the first thing that you need to get sorted. Secondly, I don't know whether you're seeking any professional help for your problems, but going to a doctor or a psychiatrist may be worth looking into. I do not, for any minute, want you think that I'm trying to shove your problems into the hands of the professionals. I'm not. But it sounds to me like you're very lonely and very confused, and I would strongly recommend that you talk to someone. I understand how difficult it can be to take that first step to talk to somebody, but I really feel that under these circumstances, talking to someone that you don't personally know would be best. I really hope that was of some help, and I want you to know that my inbox is open at any time if you want to talk to somebody about anything.
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oh, she's a dreamer ♥
be the change you wish to see in the world
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currently studying in france
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8:49 am on May 23, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2002 | Days Active: 1,747
Join to learn more about nikki France | GLBT Ally Female | Posts: 20,078 | Points: 51,823
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medjai
Patron
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Time idled solves nothing, it's just a means to manifest and culture your depression and your problems. Recognize your problems, write them down if you need to, then solve them. There's nothing to be accomplished by believing that your life sucks, maybe you're just sucking, fix it.
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O` tru apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.
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4:07 pm on May 23, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2003 | Days Active: 1,594
Join to learn more about medjai California, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 17,151 | Points: 39,874
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( Raging Inferno )
Visionary
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tell me how i am "sucking" at life then. tell me how its even possible to "manifest and culture my depression",
how are you to tell me to fix it, when there's so many pieces fragmented and impossible to fix.
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medjai
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I'm saying don't sit around telling yourself you're fucked and that it's impossible because that's like trying to turn your car on by clapping.
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O` tru apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.
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8:44 pm on May 23, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2003 | Days Active: 1,594
Join to learn more about medjai California, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 17,151 | Points: 39,874
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