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i am breaking apart |
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 Replies: 5 — Last Post May 24 4:59am by Nikki
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( Raging Inferno )
Connoisseur
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everything is so fucked. everything just went wrong today.
everything goes wrong every single day. i'm breaking under the pressure, losing my mind again.
i just can't be normal. i'm turning inward.
screaming just isn't possible anymore, my voice is too damaged. I feel faint. absolutely. speaking to.
couldn't do it very long. least i did it. cannot do anything right. just failing at everything again. i'm sorry i can't feel okay. i dont know what okay is. maybe its something different than feeling like this. going back and forth....sinking lower and lower...and feeling the suicidal thoughts and feelings of worthlessness arise within my empty self. No one knows, and they never needed to know for reason. They would never have done anything but abandon me even faster.
oh whatever. nothing matters anymore. everything goes wrong for me. everything has been screwed up.
I'm too miserable inside to deal with people...that only see whats on the outside...they haven't even tried to talk to me, one of them i decided i was gonna speak to first, that went okay, although i could've been less shaky, but it went all right nonetheless. the other one i am not even going to bother, because of what i have seen.
but even doing that took so much out of me. then i had a stupid test to take. then i lost my gym stuff in the rain, and i had to walk home...now i am blaring the music, twitching,headache,
pains shooting everywhere. cant type much longer.
i give up, i'm going to get some rest.
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Love is all I ever really want out of life.
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Nikki
Belle
 Patron
Support Leader
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Wow. That sounds more like a rant than anything else, and as it's all very muddled, I'm not so sure how I should go about trying to help. It sounds to me like you need to take a break. A break from everything that's causing any stress in your life right now. I assume that it's nearly summer break there too. Well, my advice would be this. Take however long you need out of that summer break and just.., be. Do whatever YOU want to do. Be that sleep, shop, read, play sport - anything, just do it. From what I can gather, you're under a lot of pressure right now, and that seems to be the first thing that you need to get sorted. Secondly, I don't know whether you're seeking any professional help for your problems, but going to a doctor or a psychiatrist may be worth looking into. I do not, for any minute, want you think that I'm trying to shove your problems into the hands of the professionals. I'm not. But it sounds to me like you're very lonely and very confused, and I would strongly recommend that you talk to someone. I understand how difficult it can be to take that first step to talk to somebody, but I really feel that under these circumstances, talking to someone that you don't personally know would be best. I really hope that was of some help, and I want you to know that my inbox is open at any time if you want to talk to somebody about anything.
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.:Faut souffrir pour etre belle:.
He still gives me the butterflies - [06.07.07] ♥
She was everything beautiful and different
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8:49 am on May 23, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2002 | 1372 Days Active
Join to learn more about Nikki Switzerland | Straight Female | 16783 Posts | 38403 Points
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( Raging Inferno )
Connoisseur
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tell me how i am "sucking" at life then. tell me how its even possible to "manifest and culture my depression",
how are you to tell me to fix it, when there's so many pieces fragmented and impossible to fix.
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Love is all I ever really want out of life.
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medjai
Patron
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I'm saying don't sit around telling yourself you're fucked and that it's impossible because that's like trying to turn your car on by clapping.
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Who dares wins. - Special Air Service
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8:44 pm on May 23, 2008 | Joined Nov. 2003 | 1247 Days Active
Join to learn more about medjai California, United States | Straight Male | 10648 Posts | 28031 Points
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