I also have suspicion my dad might have homosexual demons in his closet. He used to abuse crack in the past and the he fits the criteria of being a closetcase.

He's still with us. And he doesn't even act like a father. My mom is the breadwinner of the family. My dad hasn't kept a steady job in 6yrs.

My dad sits at home all day and cooks every once and awhile.  

He's definitely depress and takes it out on his family. He has got physical with me and my sister more than once.

The only good thing my father did was teach me what NOT to do.  

I honestly think he only had kids to secure his manliness heteroness.

He even skipped out on my 7th grade Orchestra concert probably to smoke his crack and gave some lame excuse like "o... i was fixing the car."

because of this i'm really confused. I really HATE my father. but i feel like i shouldn't hate someone like this. but i definitely can't feel love towards him because then i would be lying to myself.

i'm utterly confused. someone shine some 3rd party objective light onto my problem.

You've mentioned a lot of things regarding your dad's drug problem, yet you've not mentioned anything about him getting any sort of help for it. From what you've said, I'm assuming your mum is fairly responsible - is it not possible for you talk to her and perhaps suggest some form of counseling for your dad? Drug problems are very difficult to admit to, and your dad is probably extremely embarrassed about talking about it to you, hence the excuses.

However, that being said, I don't believe you have any real solid evidence of a drug problem, although it definitely sounds like your dad is depressed. Again, as his child, he's probably extremely embarrassed to even think about talking to you about his problems.

I don't believe you truly hate your dad. However, I do believe you're very confused and naturally, you're also angry and frustrated with his behavior and how he's treating you and your family. The only advice I can really give you is to talk to your mum. Try and catch her alone and when she's not busy, and tell her what you've told us. That you don't like your dad's attitude and that you're worried.

Hopefully she can talk to him and over time, something might happen which will turn a light on his head, and will persuade him to get help. You cannot help people who are depressed or have an addiction, and I think that's the hardest thing to come to terms with if you're affected. I wish you the best of luck :)

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oh, she's a dreamer ♥
be the change you wish to see in the world
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currently studying in france