If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

I don't even like Chuck Norris. This just made me laugh. Yes, I stole it.  

An Asian man and his son (no offence!! XD) are waiting by an elevator.  The man saw an old lady go inside and the doors close. When the doors opened again, out stepped a beautiful young woman. The man said to his son: "Quickly, go get your mother."

Yeah, it kinda sucked. I was bored.  

-------
I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.

---

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

---

Epic fucking win. Oh I am saving that one.. All the Chuck Norris jokes are old and pointless, but nonetheless, I never get tired of them.

I dont get the elevator joke =[

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

-------
Love jzbaby...........
Mike IS teh sex && police disco lights is my twilight zone twin!