Today after church I went up to be prayed for about getting a better job, that I need. After my Pastor prayed to the Lord about that he prayed for me to not be bitter about my Mom's death. I was very surprised by that because it's a year a a few weeks since she died. It seems so long ago since she was here. I was very sad, bitter and angry right when my Mom died. Now, I accept but at times I am bitter. I don't really say it to anyone though and try not to show it when someone says something, such as miracles and I think where was the miracle for my Mom to be healed from her problems and not die. My Pastor knew even though I never speak about it or really show it that I still am sort of angry about my Mom's death. She died in a hospital from pneumonia and I really feel they could have done more to save her and they charged so much money just for her to die. There are other things too which make me upset and angry like she had seizures which I saw her have my entire life until she died. There were good times when she didn't have any for a few months and times when she had several a day and a few times it was so horrible having lots one after another and another for a few hours which drained her of energy (that was once every several months).
I do admit I am sort of bitter and angry and other things but try to be positive. I thank the Lord I had my Mom until I was 21 and we had a pretty good relationship. I know that I learned lots of compassion for those who are unwell since she had problems so I know first hand what it's like. I feel I don't think about her as much as I should these days. My background on my computer is a picture of her and I and when I see it I tell her that I love and miss her.
It was crazy that my Pastor knew about how I still feel over her death (I don't feel it at all like I did when she just died and while she had problems in life). What do you think about him knowing to pray for me for that as well?
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Dragonking: LW's Own Superhero! RIP MOM 5-30-07 :'(
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