The following is not meant to offend anyone's beliefs in any way: I was raised Christian, and went to church every Sunday. Then I become an adolescent and started to questions things.
It came to the point that the only reason I always answered "Yes, of course" to the "do you believe in God?" question, was because I was terrified of punishment for not believing (whether in the afterlife or my current social standing).
But you must embrace the idea of God, not question or doubt it -- otherwise your faith is false. I grew up saying "yes" immediately to questions of my faith because I thought not hesitating or thinking about it, and answering as if it was a silly question because of course I believe in God, and that meant that I was a firm believer.
I think all Christians are like this, otherwise they wouldn't be so defensive. A firm believer could easily block attacks of their faith by simply not responding, but instead you see pages and pages of arguments of people trying to assure others that the path they chose is the right one, instead you see several thousand years of violence and war because people's faith is so "strong" when it's really the exact opposite. People who try to "save" you, are really just trying to make themselves feel better.
If you love grapefruit, would you be offended if someone else didn't like grapefruit? Would you argue with them? Would you hurt them? Would you kill them? Would you try to convince them that it is delicious when they find it bitter?
This sounds silly because everyone knows that people acquire different tastes for different foods throughout their life.
But when you say you don't have faith in Christ, it's never just an "Oh, ok" response. Every President we've had has been Christian, because if he didn't mention God in at least one of his speeches, he wouldn't get elected. Simply because he didn't like grapefruit.
Simply because the "stout" Christian followers are actually frightened and insecure people -- and who wouldn't be? When I was a just a kid I'd sometimes come to tears because I realized I had committed a sin, and was surely going to hell. If I did something wrong I would prey desperately to God for forgiveness and how I would never do it again.
Then I would assume that God really is good, caring, and loving because nothing bad would happen to be afterwards. Awesome.
However, when I got older I grew sick of the lame and varied explanations of God. I've always been concerned for others, I always asked people, "what happens to my friend if he's Buddhist?" Only to be answered by a "He goes to hell/purgatory" or a candy coated Sunday school special of, "God is with him, God loves everyone, and God forgives."
I've always questioned, "what happens to the billions of people in Eastern Asia?", "what happens to the thousands of Chinese children who died in the earthquake, when they don't even know the idea of God?"
I can't accept that.
It drove me nuts, so I opened my eyes. When I was at church I then realized that 90% of the people attending every Sunday were elderly people, unusually nice older people. People who would participate, donate, and listen to whatever the church decided on.
Just like I was terrified as a child, the elderly crowd is constantly trying to change their habits and become "good" again, and try to affirm a belief that they don't even fully understand themselves -- as long as they win when they die. Religion is an incentive, not a belief.
The kids who attended were like any other. Some were assholes, some were nice. We would answer the same way to questions our mentors asked us. Most kids would stop attending church when they got older, and would only re attend when they had a child of their own.
Now I didn't write this to piss anyone off, to offend anyone, or claim that God doesn't exist. I wrote this because I thought it would be prove as an interesting look at a once devout believer in his faith, who realized his faith was only strong because he beat the logical curiosity out of his head when it came to religion.
Are all Christians insecure about their faith? Maybe, I'm not sure really. I always thought the thoughts in my head were the thoughts of every other Christian, just that they are afraid to talk about it -- as it would show disobedience to God.
I do believe Christianity teaches great morals, that there are just as many "good" Christians as "bad." And I even admit that Church is a fun experience that kids should have.
I just don't believe in being terrified by the unknown, much less attack others for it. I want to believe in God, I want to be assured entrance into Heaven, but it is impossible. There is no way I can completely forget the questions in my head.
Therefore I can never embrace my faith. I can't even say, "I believe" anymore.
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Don't be worried. I was like you. Dad's side of the family convinced me I was going to hell if I was gay or didn't believe, so I convinced myself to believe...is that what you're talking about?
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