i might sound like a fun person, but i dont care. i literally dont truly enjoy anything about life. so i treat life like some kind of video game, and it distracts me from all the douchebaggery and dumbfuckerry out there. and i kind of get 'high on life too'. but its bullshit, cause every once in awhile i get a stark reminder that im emotionally isolated from everyone. and i hate denying reality but thats all is avaliable, some stupid fucking video game. theres no substance readily available to me, just deceit, false appearances, bullshit 'relationships', naive idiots, and more of the same status quo. no significant departure, no huge variation. oh im sure there are good people out there, but i cant stand an introverted lifestyle or just having a few really good friends in between. because im extremely opposite. so that leaves me fucked, because most outgoing people are stupid fuckasses. i cant stand their fucking guts. bloody miserable fucking idiots. oh and i dont want to go back to being 'high on life' and getting really into things that don't matter because it doesnt really fulfill anything deeper but thats all i have. everything is so empty, and just like in some dumb game where you do the same shit over and over, im powerless to do anything about shit.
to me this struggle between perceived reality and a closed 'world' one creates to deny an intolerable perceived reality is what drives a lot of people 'bipolar' but thankfully i have good emotional control and more objectivity and perspective. man was i miserable awhile ago but now im just stagnant and bored. bored to fucking death, 24/7. so bored i could rip my eyes out
and i like to deny this obviously, most like to, but its the truth in my eyes as much as i hate it. society and most people are boring as fuck, and ignorant shallow morons, at least in their present states. ya know, if youve seen the film idiocracy, its funny for like two hours, but if you were in that actual situation for years, youd stop laughing. idiocy is disgusting
good night
Post edited at 12:18 am on June 5, 2008 by iconoclast
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