I'm not sure why you feel the need to be white; everybody is different and beautiful for their differences. It might sound cliche and all, but I truly believe it.
I think that in order for you to find love you need to love yourself. It seems like your having self esteem issues, and perhaps you could get some tips on that here:
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You should probably consider some counseling, it might help you fix your problems and start to accept yourself as you are, not as what you think you want to be. So what if you're not perfect? Who is? Just be who you want to be, and work your ass off. Set your self goals and try to achieve them, do your best!
Little things make the difference, congratulate yourself for the stuff you do, even if it seems stupid just keep in mind that at least you tried something different. Keep your mind open to different thing and try them out!
I always say that life is what you make it, so if you want to be happier, then you need to start to make some changes.
Good Luck!
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You'll never get to heaven if you are scared of getting high.
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