the first year there i was really quiet and spoke to NO ONE. this year i did make a few friends in the beginning of the school year but all of our relationships 'fell off'. in the beginning they were really great for the first couple months but they lost interest in me and pretty much stopped talking to me because apparently i was "awkward and creepy".

but at the same time i didn't enjoy spending time or talking with them either. it reached a point where i just hung out with them so it wouldn't seem as if i'm a loner. but now i'm always alone and my only friend is my mother. may sound really pathetic but it's true. she's the one i trust the most out of anyone.

but i think my problem is that i tend to ridicule people A LOT when i get to know them because they're always making fun of me but when i crack back at them suddenly i'm "mean" "a bitch" or a "jerk" it's like they can take what they deal out. it also may be a part from when i was little i was always picked on physically and verbally -- i never did shit to provoke it because i always had my mouth shut. maybe because i was different i don't know.

anyways back to the present. i try talking to my old friend from my other high school but he never answers my phone calls or emails. he says we should hang out more often but we never do.

i just want to get the fuck out of this 'rut' or whatever the hell i'm in. but there is one thing that keeps me sane is skateboarding, the only thing that i actually love doing. but can't do it because my leg's messed up as of late. any help would be appreciated.

Post edited at 10:41 pm on June 2, 2008 by Anonymous

I understand why your doctor says that you're like that. It's completely understandable. Leaving your friends and moving schools is always hard. Being the new kid, not knowing how thing are, getting used to it... Everything is a huge impact.

I think that you shouldn't give up on finding friends, that always takes time. It's hard to meet somebody and find that thing that makes people click together. It takes time and effort.  Yes, perhaps you didn't have successful relationships with your peers in the past, but they're just a few people and the world is full of people.

You should join a club or something where you could meet more people; something you enjoy where you could find people with similar interests and meet some potential friendships. How about something related with skateboarding? Video games? Doing some volunteering.. There's always ways!

Maybe you should also consider being a bit more lay back when it comes to people; by this I mean being yourself but avoid cracking up on people for little things. You should talk with your doctor about this type of things and ask him to suggest you some tips; after all he's an expert, he knows about this type of things.

Your old friend, why don't you invite him to do something? A movie or something you both could enjoy. It's going to take effort because you're not as close to him as before, but if that's what it takes, so be it, make it happen!

Also, I'd suggest you that if the school you're in is making things to hard, maybe you could consider changing schools? Although that might bring you back to the start, but It could also give you the opportunity to start again.

Good Luck!


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You'll never get to heaven if you are scared of getting high.