I know you feel like you can't trust anyone and that everyone is against you because of what you went through in the past, but I still really think that you need to talk to someone about this. I doubt that you'll want to get any professional help, even though I think that's the best thing for you. You seem to use this forum as a way to vent your feelings, which is great, but have you tried writing a journal of some sorts?

It can really, really help to get stuff out of your head and onto paper. It's a lot clearer when it's all layed out infront of you, and it can really help to put things in perspective.

Please, feel free to PM me at anytime, or at least reply to this topic if you want. I'd love to be able to help you.

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oh, baby it's a wild word, and it's hard to get by just upon a smile
be the change you wish to see in the world