( Anonymous )
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Quote: from freedom at 1:29 pm on April 19, 2008
 I really liked it. But wow, you need to proof-read. Some of it flowed well, other parts stumbled along. With just a little work it could be really good. There seems too much of a gap between the last two paragraphs. It jumps from one to the other too quickly and seems like it need something else in there. Altogether though I was quite impressed. 
Thanks. These things come out as a splurgh, so I rarely get to go back and read over them. I will do in this case, soon, hopefully.
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5:32 am on April 19, 2008
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