i think from just living in my social environment i've seen people with the basic personality that you describe, with a constant sense of humor and fun that they rely on too heavily. you eventually almost consider it a facade, or a barrier for that emotional side. and i've always been less interested in those people because i do think it would be hard to deal with at some point, and i don't really think you can change to accept it. yeah, you can try, you've obviously been trying, but i see it as an extremely difficult thing to deal with in a relationship.

so yeah, you can just have the relationship that he says he wants or you think he wants, and really enjoy the moments and the feelings, and probably never forget it. and i think you'll eventually both draw apart because of the lack of depth, and you (specifically) will regret a lot of it and he might too, slightly. it seems right now it's wearing you down. you won't be able to deal with it, you won't be able to justify it anymore at some point. at least that's how i see it.

or you could try to adapt a little more to his style and keep talking to him about what you want and hope that he understands and opens up a little, so that your relationship will find a compromise. theoretically this would be the best choice, but really it's hard to know the details of how to approach that. you've basically been doing it anyways and it's looking like it's not enough for you in enough ways.

so i think you should step it up. when you get slight chances to talk about your feelings, probe him a little. if he shells up again, ask him why he does that, why he wants to do that. ask him if he ever has times where he feels like opening up more than now. tell him you really want him to talk to you. tell him you think you need him to introduce some more emotion. ask him why he values your relationship, why he values you. if he gives an answer, ask him if it's the only answer. tell him you love his positive qualities but the separation between those and his emotions is concerning you. ask him if he needs something from you to be able to change.

hey, even threaten him a little. not like, an ultimatum, but ask him what he would think (hypothetically) of breaking up, or tell him you don't know if you can deal with maintaining the relationship. which should be true, right? just to see if you can get a reaction that will tell you whether there's a chance for the future that you haven't seen. and then if you get something new out of him, take advantage of it. think about what you can do to make that one little thing work out. work at it, show him that you're working at it and encourage him to help. i think you can find some place to really start, even if it is hard to find.

sorry for any condescension in my last post. i don't blame you at all, and i think i would be comparatively frustrated in your situation. you do deserve a higher level of connection and i hope you can somehow find what you need for the relationship.

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We have broken up before, and it was over something stupid but it both made us realize that perhaps we need a little break, and so we took a two-week break. When we got back together, he was mostly the one initiating that. I liked the break, mostly because he would tell me how he felt (i.e., he said he wanted to just call me up and ask me to take him back, how it's not the same when I'm not there, he's happier when I'm around, etc) I think because he actually opened up.

I know this will probably sound kind of immature, but I don't doubt that many girls no matter the age think this to themselves He could feel so much for his ex, so why not for me? since he was at one point engaged, and I was the first one he dated awhile after the break-off. He's told me she's a big reason he doesn't want to fall for somebody so hard again, and blah blah blah, and I understand how he feels and how it affects his emotions towards me, but I can't help but feel as if I am being punished for that girl's fuck-ups. He was that lovey-dovey guy who expressed his feelings for me alot of the time we talked, then he got back together with that girl, got engaged, broke it off (we didn't talk much during the time 'cause she had a problem with it, and he was initially angry that I got back together with my ex first), and since then, hasn't been like that at all.

He's cried twice because of me (one was a rumor he cheated on me, another was his female friend wouldn't quit talking shit on me no matter how many times he told her not to, he finally just told her off), but that was a long time ago. He showed more emotions and feelings towards me more towards the beginning than now. Fck, those two incidents were probably the weirdest I have ever encountered.

Hell, I don't know. I feel like I should get used to it and be glad we aren't one of those ridiculous couples saying "I love you" after like a month, and we aren't jumping into things so fast like everybody else is nowadays. And mostly 'cause I think I was too used to the way things were with my ex since I was with him for so long, and my boyfriend now is just so different and pretty much the opposite.

Many people don't even notice and take it for granted when their significant other tells them they enjoy their company, they're glad they're with them, and they like ___ about them, or doing this or that with them, but I know I don't, because to hear anything like that... I have to ask, and I feel like I shouldn't have to.

Also, as for the initiating thing, apparently he felt like he always had to do all of it at the beginning but just never told me til one day  I asked him if there were any problems I should know about, so since then, I started to take the initiative. I was jokingly giving him shit about it one night, and according to him, he likes it because it makes him feel desired or something along the lines of that. I guess now I'm in his previous position, and I've said a thing about it here and there without making it sound like a big deal, and he always says "sorry" instead of just doing something about it.

I just want some feedback from him, have an idea of what he thinks of our relationship and the way its going, or where its going, or what he thinks of what we usually do, you know, that kind of thing to know we are on the same level and understanding... except I dont know how to get that out of him without pressure. I dont want to make him tell that kind of thing, I dont want to have to ask, but ease him into it.

I really do feel extremely punished for his ex's screw-ups 'cause before her, before we started dating, before he came home for good, he was more emotional in that area. He even admitted it, we've talked about it and nothing has changed.

I dont want to change him or whatever, but this is something every human being is capable of and I know he is because he was that way once, and it's a natural thing, and it seems more like he either, a) tries to hide it, i.e. denial, or b) he could care less, but I'm more bent on "a" 'cause of his behavior at some points in time... I just want to get it out of him.

You know, when I talk about the way I feel or something like that, it's like I'm speaking a different language to him. He replies with something totally off the subject and just doesn't understand what the point of the conversation is. He tries to make me understand his point of view on it, which I appreciate, but it's rarely even on the same subject as me and I often have to go remind him what the subject really is and go into even more detail for him to grasp the idea.

Yeah, he's definitely bad at that stuff. Thats why a lot of the times we end up in an argument. And whats funny, is I'm not a girl who beats around the bush, I make it as blunt and obvious as it possibly could be... no hints or reading between the lines shit. Heh.

This no longer bothers me at all, I think about it and think I'm finally totally satisfied... until I come to this post. For some reason, I just get angry all over again.

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It seems you are unhappy in your relationship (I know, you love him and it is just this one thing) but this one thing will eat at you unless you can let go, and move on from it.

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I don't love him, I'm not in love, those words are overused and abused, I try to stay as far away from that word as possible.

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i dont think hes that into you. i think hes holding onto you as to not hurt your feelings. if hes acting that way all the time then, well, as i said before, hesn ot taking all this as serious as you are.

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