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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Part Two: Bed Time.
Replies: 23Last Post April 29 9:40am by Anonymous
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( Anonymous )

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The first part is here

8:38 am on April 23, 2008
xshaix


Dairy Product Addict
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Quote: from Anonymous at 8:34 am on April 23, 2008

Quote: from xshaix at 4:32 pm on April 23, 2008

 And this is all artistic license?


The majority.

I know exactly who you are.
What's with the anon?

-------
I've been dying to tell you anything you wanna hear,
'Cause that's just who I am this week.


10:51 am on April 23, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2007 | 170 Days Active
Join to learn more about xshaix England, United Kingdom | Bi-curious Female | 1089 Posts | 2838 Points
amiee


Enlightened One

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A man who wallows in self pity is a man who deserves to remain there.

Indeed.

Overall, I think it's powerful. You have a wonderful sight. Seriously.

-------
and i wanted to ride with Yuri Gagarin
as he circled all around my world


1:46 pm on April 23, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2005 | 939 Days Active
Join to learn more about amiee Scotland, United Kingdom | 7602 Posts | 16296 Points
WSsicks


Quality Control Engineer
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Garbage.

4:51 am on April 27, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2007 | 36 Days Active
Join to learn more about WSsicks Switzerland | 551 Posts | 848 Points
( Anonymous )

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Quote: from WSsicks at 12:51 pm on April 27, 2008

Garbage.
Why?

7:58 am on April 27, 2008
Fauna


dirty sexy money

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it's good, if slightly pretentious.

-------
- لورين

bang bang bang bang bang

5:46 pm on April 27, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2007 | 363 Days Active
Join to learn more about Fauna England, United Kingdom | Straight Female | 9483 Posts | 25092 Points
( Anonymous )

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Quote: from Fauna at 1:46 am on April 28, 2008

it's good, if slightly pretentious.
What makes you say that, m'dear.

12:50 am on April 28, 2008
Fauna


dirty sexy money

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Quote: from Anonymous at 8:50 am on April 28, 2008it's good, if slightly pretentious. What makes you say that, m'dear.

I don't even mean that as a criticism, lots of writing is pretentious. It's just the mix of angst and the tone and your choice of words (i.e "Notice the use of the personal object pronoun. How humorous.") comes off as a bit pretentious.

-------
- لورين

bang bang bang bang bang


3:04 pm on April 28, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2007 | 363 Days Active
Join to learn more about Fauna England, United Kingdom | Straight Female | 9483 Posts | 25092 Points
( Anonymous )

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Quote: from Fauna at 11:04 pm on April 28, 2008

Quote: from Anonymous at 8:50 am on April 28, 2008it's good, if slightly pretentious. What makes you say that, m'dear.  

I don't even mean that as a criticism, lots of writing is pretentious. It's just the mix of angst and the tone and your choice of words (i.e "Notice the use of the personal object pronoun. How humorous.") comes off as a bit pretentious.


I think that was probably my intention. A manic description, that focuses on all the wrong places.

9:40 am on April 29, 2008
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