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Amy doens't seem like a very compassionate person. She wants to be in a relationship but wants to be able to back out of it whenever she can to avoid the challenges and pain a relationship can sometimes cause. Your friend deserves better than her.

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That sounds pretty dead on its like she wants him or any guy but doesnt want the emotional attachemnt and wants to break off at any time she chooses without having strings she cant cut off

These are all great responses but the question i have is what should he do next? what should he say and do etc? Thanks

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What we have is a conflict between two people who want the EXACT same thing, but they define it differently.

As Robert had said quite distinctively, he wants Amy, and he wants her right now. Unfortunately i don't think Robert can accept the fact that what Amy wants is not what he wants, but it is.

They are both looking for the same thing form each other. But Amy wants less commitment in her situation then Robert does.

Amy wants a friendship, an everlasting friendship. Something special to her, because as she said, she has told Robert things that she does not tell to anyone, and that makes Robert very special to her. That does not mean that she can have feelings for him though. Remember there is a distinct line between knowing someone is attractive and thinking they are attractive. It sounds like Amy does not look at Robert as someone she can spend the rest of her life with.

As i understand it, Amy loves Robert. But she is not IN love with him.

Robert is the exact opposite in many retrospects. He "Loves" Amy in many ways.

Robert is essentially looking for the same thing Amy wants, except with more commitment attached. He wants her to love him. And right now, it's not going to happen. And Amy has already made that abundantly clear in their conversation.

As quoted:

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I just don't want anything to lead to hate.

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I don't ever want to date you again.

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She made it clear that she does not to date Robert, and Robert has made it clear that he wants to date her. BUT at the same time they both want the same thing from each other, a companion. This whole situation comes down to the fact that Robert has to accept the fact that he is not going to change Amy's mind about their "relationship." What she did in the grocery store and what it could quite possibly come down to the fact that she feels comfortable about around Robert enough to do those things. Unfortunately it sends the wrong signals to Robert.

In the end basically this "complicated" situation comes down to one final resolution.

Robert wants Amy.
Amy doesn't want Robert.

Robert will have to move on with this and accept the fact. Amy just wants to have a fantastic friendship with him. Unfortunately Robert isn't ready to accept that and seems he'll only have Amy if he gets her his way. Which isn't going to happen by the sounds of it.

He'll have to move on.

If you have any other questions, concerns about the situation, what I've said, or anything in general please feel free to PM me anytime.
Warm Regards,
-BM

Post edited at 3:00 pm on Oct. 23, 2006 by big mac

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Robert (10/24/2006 7:08:46 PM): what it basically comes down to is
Robert (10/24/2006 7:08:49 PM): i was right
Robert (10/24/2006 7:09:02 PM): it's pretty much all about the distance and not being able to see each other every day
Me (10/24/2006 7:09:43 PM): but as long as u see her on a weekend who cares?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:09:47 PM): no
Robert (10/24/2006 7:09:50 PM): she cares
Me (10/24/2006 7:10:03 PM): but isnt there some sort of compromise that can be mde here
Me (10/24/2006 7:10:07 PM): u live 20 mins apart
Me (10/24/2006 7:10:13 PM): its not that far
Robert (10/24/2006 7:10:16 PM): that's the thing
Robert (10/24/2006 7:10:20 PM): because it's only 20-30 minutes
Robert (10/24/2006 7:10:26 PM): we SHOULD be able to see each other every day
Robert (10/24/2006 7:10:28 PM): and we aren't
Robert (10/24/2006 7:10:54 PM): and that's because of not having a license and my mom never doing anything
Me (10/24/2006 7:10:59 PM): but its not required to she has a busy life so long as u talk somehow and see her on wekeends whats the problem?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:11:08 PM): you don't get it ken.....
Robert (10/24/2006 7:11:24 PM): if you wken to be in a relationship, you're supposed to see each other more than just on the weekends
Robert (10/24/2006 7:11:34 PM): otherwise, it strains it too much
Robert (10/24/2006 7:11:48 PM): it makes you wken to see them more, and makes things harder to deal with
Me (10/24/2006 7:12:05 PM): yea but even if u drove and whatever doesnt she have a real busy life anyway
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:08 PM): and it isn't so much that she has a busy life
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:16 PM): she works on weekends only
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:19 PM): and that's at night
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:32 PM): so why can't i see her during the day?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:36 PM): you get the point?
Me (10/24/2006 7:12:39 PM): u could
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:45 PM): i CAN'T though
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:48 PM): because i have no license
Me (10/24/2006 7:12:48 PM): but i dont thinks a reuirement to see them EVERY DAY
Robert (10/24/2006 7:12:53 PM): and my mom never wkens to go anywhere
Robert (10/24/2006 7:13:09 PM): for a relationship, you NEED to see that person more than on weekends though
Robert (10/24/2006 7:13:14 PM): what part of that don't you get?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:14:26 PM): the only solution to this would be to have a job in the morning/afternoon like my mom does
Robert (10/24/2006 7:14:33 PM): the whole 4-5am til noon
Robert (10/24/2006 7:14:39 PM): get my license
Robert (10/24/2006 7:14:41 PM): get a car
Robert (10/24/2006 7:14:48 PM): and see her after i work
Me (10/24/2006 7:14:56 PM): why cken she come to see you
Robert (10/24/2006 7:14:58 PM): that'd be the only way things would be right
Me (10/24/2006 7:15:01 PM): she drivs
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:02 PM): because she doesn't have gas money
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:05 PM): dumbass
Me (10/24/2006 7:15:09 PM): and you do?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:13 PM): no, i don't
Me (10/24/2006 7:15:23 PM): so even if you get a job
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:33 PM): if i get a job
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:35 PM): i'll have the money
Me (10/24/2006 7:15:37 PM): your gonna waste ur money go seeing her when she has no intetions of seeing you?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:41 PM): because i'll be working mostly full-time
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:46 PM): she does have intentions of seeing me
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:51 PM): she doesn't have the money to
Robert (10/24/2006 7:15:53 PM): idiot
Me (10/24/2006 7:16:03 PM): i think she woudl find ways if she really wkened to
Robert (10/24/2006 7:16:05 PM): jesus you're mixing everything up and making your own conclusions
Robert (10/24/2006 7:16:16 PM): she's gonna spend the money she doesn't have?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:17:08 PM): she doesn't have the money to spend on gas money when she has to help her mom pay for things
Robert (10/24/2006 7:17:12 PM): and she works a mere 3 days a week
Me (10/24/2006 7:17:16 PM): so why not take a bus
Robert (10/24/2006 7:17:19 PM): ........
Robert (10/24/2006 7:17:21 PM): you don't get it
Robert (10/24/2006 7:17:25 PM): so i'm not even going to bother anymore
Me (10/24/2006 7:17:39 PM): what im just saying my sister sees her bf on weekdns only and their fine
Me (10/24/2006 7:18:53 PM): because shes inc ollege and shit
Me (10/24/2006 7:19:48 PM): look even u get a job and shit ull go see her whatever then is she gonna find ways to get money to come p and see u as well or are u putting in all the work is my q
Robert (10/24/2006 7:20:21 PM): she can't do it right now because she doesn't have money
Robert (10/24/2006 7:20:28 PM): she's wasted so much money the last two weeks
Me (10/24/2006 7:20:43 PM): so her mom cMerive her to ur house why
Robert (10/24/2006 7:20:47 PM): between seeing me like three times, her mom using her money to fix the car
Robert (10/24/2006 7:20:55 PM): because her mom is behind on bills
Me (10/24/2006 7:21:10 PM): and her mom has no money for gas either
Robert (10/24/2006 7:21:18 PM): they barely have any food in their house, that's how far back she is
Me (10/24/2006 7:22:42 PM): yes but not having money to drive is a lame ezxcuse
Me (10/24/2006 7:22:58 PM): cause i mean is it required that everytime u hang out u gotta do something
Me (10/24/2006 7:23:12 PM): what if she just took a bus to ur house thats liek $5 and u just hung out
Me (10/24/2006 7:23:14 PM): or osmehting
Robert (10/24/2006 7:23:18 PM): yea, and she wastes her money on gas and shit to come see me
Robert (10/24/2006 7:23:26 PM): there are no buses out here
Robert (10/24/2006 7:23:40 PM): we aren't in a suburban area
Me (10/24/2006 7:24:06 PM): i assume she pays her gas cahs
Robert (10/24/2006 7:24:08 PM): and why the fuck is she going to take a bus when she has her license?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:24:11 PM): no
Robert (10/24/2006 7:24:15 PM): she pays it by debit
Robert (10/24/2006 7:24:23 PM): in which she barely has anything in her account
Me (10/24/2006 7:24:28 PM): um becuas eshes complaing bout how much it cost to see you
Me (10/24/2006 7:24:32 PM): so it woudl save money
Robert (10/24/2006 7:25:23 PM): ok, then it that case, why don't you pay money to go see mary? you see my point?
Me (10/24/2006 7:25:33 PM): thats a little different
Robert (10/24/2006 7:25:34 PM): it isn't just something you can up and do
Robert (10/24/2006 7:25:37 PM): no, it isn't different
Robert (10/24/2006 7:25:44 PM): it's pretty much the same exact thing
Me (10/24/2006 7:25:44 PM): yes it is thats 5 and a half hours of driving
Me (10/24/2006 7:25:47 PM): not 25 mintues
Robert (10/24/2006 7:25:48 PM): so what?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:25:51 PM): it's still driving
Robert (10/24/2006 7:25:53 PM): and money
Me (10/24/2006 7:25:59 PM): 5 and ahalf hours takes a full tank of gas
Robert (10/24/2006 7:26:03 PM): your point?
Me (10/24/2006 7:26:05 PM): and ur not gonna make that trip every weekend
Me (10/24/2006 7:26:11 PM): 25 minutes doesnt evn take a quarter
Robert (10/24/2006 7:26:14 PM): it's the same exact thing
Me (10/24/2006 7:26:20 PM): 25 minutes is like 5 bucks of gas
Me (10/24/2006 7:26:39 PM): i mean if she works how does she have no moeny
Robert (10/24/2006 7:27:23 PM): again...you don't fucking get it
Me (10/24/2006 7:27:37 PM): how much does she make a weekdnd working
Robert (10/24/2006 7:27:56 PM): $30-45
Me (10/24/2006 7:28:04 PM): thats it?
Me (10/24/2006 7:29:06 PM): wht does she do anytway
Me (10/24/2006 7:31:42 PM): makes 15 dollars a day
Robert (10/24/2006 7:32:08 PM): $5-something an hour, usually only 5-9 or 6-9 or something
Me (10/24/2006 7:32:22 PM): doig what though
Robert (10/24/2006 7:32:47 PM): she works in a small pizza shop
Me (10/24/2006 7:33:09 PM): oh so why doesnt she just work more get more money then she could go see you
Robert (10/24/2006 7:33:16 PM): .........
Robert (10/24/2006 7:33:21 PM): just no
Robert (10/24/2006 7:33:22 PM): stop now
Robert (10/24/2006 7:33:23 PM): seriously
Me (10/24/2006 7:33:27 PM): why not though?
Robert (10/24/2006 7:33:31 PM): you're making yourself look more and more like a dumbass
Me (10/24/2006 7:33:42 PM): shes making this an issue when its not one
Robert (10/24/2006 7:33:50 PM): no, you are
Me (10/24/2006 7:34:18 PM): i m just sayign tehres ways around a 25 minute gap id love to be 25 mins away frm someone i liked it would be alot easier she has no right to complain
Robert (10/24/2006 7:34:35 PM): and you have money from selling things on ebay
Me (10/24/2006 7:34:41 PM): yes
Robert (10/24/2006 7:34:41 PM): she doesn't
Robert (10/24/2006 7:34:43 PM): neither do i
Robert (10/24/2006 7:34:47 PM): therefore, we can't do a damn thing
Robert (10/24/2006 7:34:53 PM): especially when she has to manage what little she does
Robert (10/24/2006 7:34:57 PM): you don't understand that though
Me (10/24/2006 7:35:23 PM): im just saying if she really wkened to see u she would beg her mom to drive her out to you or she woudl bug u to convince ur mom to do it
Robert (10/24/2006 7:35:34 PM): no, she wouldn't
Robert (10/24/2006 7:35:48 PM): you just don't get it
Me (10/24/2006 7:36:03 PM): im just sying then how bad does she wken to see u then  
Robert (10/24/2006 7:36:08 PM): therefore, give up and stop talking about it

Post edited at 4:51 pm on Oct. 24, 2006 by kenseth17

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My Website www.harvestmoonparadise.com
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I can't help but agree with your view in that conversation.

Robert seems to be too stubborn with this whole endeavour. He's not willing to take in the opinions of others unless their telling him what he wants to hear. And Ken, i think you were absolutely right with your points. There is always a way around something if you have the will and drive to do it. Robert fails to see that. He's essentially making an excuse for the way things have panned out with Amy. She doesn't want to be with him, or she does, which is neither important at this time yet. And Robert fails to accept that fact. So he says that instead of believing the fact that Amy isn't attracted to him, he blames it on the fact that she cannot find a way to see him.

Essentially what Robert is doing is that he does not want to accept the past endeavours with Amy and instead is making an excuse to lighten the events that happened. After all, its not as bad if two peole can't be together because of situation, instead of no attraction. and thats what Robert has made himself believe.

Like i said before, he will have to move on.

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Robert:oh, and you were somewhat right about Amy
Me:... how so?
Robert:yesterday i asked her what she was doing today
Robert:she said "i might be going to the final football game"
Robert:so i say "alright, well let me know if you're going cause i'll ask if i can go"
Robert:she gets snotty with me and says "well i didn't ask if you wanted to go, and i don't want you to go"
Me:wow....any reason
Robert:not really


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He's in denial simply.

And by the looks of that conversation it looks like Amy is getting frustrated with it also. I believe she offered him the ultimatum essentially to become exceptionally good friends with her, and he didn't necessarily agree with that.

So in turn, it's only natural that Amy would become frustrated with the fact that Robert simply does not get it.

As much as i know your trying to help your friend here on everything, this may turn out to be one of those situations where he'll have to figure things out for himself.

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