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you are pretty much my hero. your jokes are waaaay funny

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dexus ur awesome x33 lol

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I'm posting more later.

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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming

A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.

"What a coincidence" says the man. As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man ... "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I used a different cock," he replied.

The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence"

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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming

Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you."

While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it. When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight. As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming

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Dexus, you rock.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RUlkiQcQWI

Ralph Nader, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun.

After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance. He said: 'Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned: if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!'

The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Ralph Nader stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most truthful of us three,' and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands.

Al Gore stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most ambitious of us three,' and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...,' and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

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LOL Central 1
LOL Central 2
You're holding my heart, screaming