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Dexus's Joke Thread  |
| Lol Central, Version 2 |
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 Replies: 616 — Last Post Sep. 9 3:54pm by Dexus
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Web Resources: Suicide Myths Dispelled, Suicide Information
USA Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
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Web Resources: Teen Pregnancy Facts, Abortion Facts
USA Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663
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 LiveWire Humor
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( Dexus )
Swami
 Patron
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Work Vs Prison IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 desk cubicle. IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour. IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit
AT WORK...you can`t even speak to your family on the phone. IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. Have a Great Day at WORK - I`m going to PRISON!!!
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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!
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IceTeaEdwin
Enlightened One
 Ad Free
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Quote: from Dexus at 2:09 pm on Sep. 25, 2008
 Work Vs Prison IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 desk cubicle. IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour. IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit
AT WORK...you can`t even speak to your family on the phone. IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. Have a Great Day at WORK - I`m going to PRISON!!! 
:DDDD
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( Dexus )
Swami
Patron
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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!
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( Dexus )
Swami
Patron
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Bull Grapevine Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: Boys, we all know I've been here five years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine. Second Bull: That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here three years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight him, run him off or kill him, but I'm keeping all my cows! Third Bull: I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply must keep all my cows. They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point. First Bull: Ahem... You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend. Second Bull: I have plenty of cows to take care of, if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I'm certainly not looking for an argument. They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting. First Bull: Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it. Third Bull: Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull.
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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!
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( Dexus )
Swami
Patron
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An Unfortunate Turn of Events A woman pregnant with triplets was walking to her car one day, when a man jumped out in front of her and shot her three times, one in each child. She was rushed immediately to the hospital. The doctor told her that she and all three babies were going to be perfectly fine, but they couldn`t find the bullets. 13 years had passed since the awful incident. The oldest girl came running out of the bathroom crying. Her mother asked, "What`s wrong?" The girl replies, "I was going pee when a bullet came out!" The mother replies, "It`s okay. You will be fine." A week later, the second daughter comes running out of the bathroom, also crying. "What`s wrong?" the mother asks. "I was peeing when a bullet came out!" she said through heavy tears. "It`s okay. You will be fine. Another week had passed, when the youngest of the three, a boy, came running out of his room, crying. "Why are you crying, son? Did you pee out a bullet?" his mother asked him. "No." he said with tears streaming down his face. "I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!
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junior2
Novice
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These make me laugh.
   Found them here Uberteez
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IceTeaEdwin
Enlightened One
Ad Free
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Quote: from Dexus at 2:22 pm on Sep. 29, 2008
An Unfortunate Turn of Events A woman pregnant with triplets was walking to her car one day, when a man jumped out in front of her and shot her three times, one in each child. She was rushed immediately to the hospital. The doctor told her that she and all three babies were going to be perfectly fine, but they couldn`t find the bullets. 13 years had passed since the awful incident. The oldest girl came running out of the bathroom crying. Her mother asked, "What`s wrong?" The girl replies, "I was going pee when a bullet came out!" The mother replies, "It`s okay. You will be fine." A week later, the second daughter comes running out of the bathroom, also crying. "What`s wrong?" the mother asks. "I was peeing when a bullet came out!" she said through heavy tears. "It`s okay. You will be fine. Another week had passed, when the youngest of the three, a boy, came running out of his room, crying. "Why are you crying, son? Did you pee out a bullet?" his mother asked him. "No." he said with tears streaming down his face. "I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
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