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Lol. You are very funny.

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Quote: from Jesus66 at 5:01 pm on May 9, 2009

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Lol. You are very funny.

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I'm not quite sure if that's sarcasm or not but thanks!
I've seen some of your posts, nice work.

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Quote: from Dexus at 5:06 pm on May 9, 2009

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Quote: from Jesus66 at 5:01 pm on May 9, 2009

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Lol. You are very funny.

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I'm not quite sure if that's sarcasm or not but thanks!  
 I've seen some of your posts, nice work.

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Not sarcasm, you have comedian genes in you.

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Thanks! much appreciated. It's just disappointing none of them are my own.

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

Post edited at 12:03 pm on June 13, 2009 by Dexus

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

Laughter is the best medicine :)

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"The brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."

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Your thread is where I go when I'm having a bad day.

Laughter is the best medicine :)

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Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can`t swim. Please save her. I`ll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where`s my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! "If I had all the beer in the world, I`d throw it all into the river."

With greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I`d throw it all into the river."

And finally he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I`d throw it all into the river, too!"

As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, "For our closing hymn, let us sing number 365:"

"Shall We Gather at the River."


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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company`s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn`t taste like alcohol at all. He didn`t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after three in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you threw-up in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,`Leave me alone, I`m married!`"

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably got here just in time."

7. "I wasn`t sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken."

2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."

1. " ... in God`s name, Amen."

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

- "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

- "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF

- "When the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

- "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

- "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

- "Bravery is being the only one who knows you`re afraid."

- "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF

- "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena,Japan

- "You`ve never been lost until you`ve been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

- "The only time you have too much fuel is when you`re on fire."

- "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor

- "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it`s probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

- "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

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That husband joke makes me smile every time

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