okay.
so i already know i have an eating disorder.
it peaked a few years ago where i just got super skinny and i wasn't ill but everyone began noticing it and my parents used to force feed me.
anyways.
everybody thinks im better now because ive kept a 'healthy' weight [always between 100-105lbs] for the last year or two.
but im so fucking fat and ugly and i repulse myself everytime i see my reflection.
my parents have finally stopped making me eat.
but i don't want to eat anymore.
so i don't.
and i know its unhealthy blah blah.
but i really can't help myself.
if i eat i feel like a failure and feel sick and end up purging.
i make myself eat dinner with them so they think im eating, but with my general daily excersises and the run i go on before dinner, im burning more than my intake.
which im so so so happy about.
but part of me just doesn't want to get caught again.
i want to go back to before.
i was so happy.
genuinely happy.
only one of my best mates and my bf know about this, but i dont want to tell them im relapsing. arrrrrrrrgh.
this is more of a rant than asking for help.
i just want people to stop telling me to eat.
i'm not even hungryyyyy!
its ridiculous to eat if your not hungry.
okay rant over.
just nice to get it out.
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so...come here often?
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