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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

poem about the relationship
Replies: 1Last Post April 9 6:02pm by kdc824
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( dreblex )


Wealthy Hobo
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i'm writing a poem about the relationship between me and my mom, and this is my first poem ever. i'm not done yet, but tell me what you think about it.

A thousand miles it felt like i had walked
The deadly winter cold jabbed my skin step after step
i opened the door as if it wasn't my house
the first one to greet me was the smell of my dinner
sitting on the table alone, only enough for one.

The door creaked shut and it was only me and the darkness
i ran up the stairs and faced my mom's room
i faced a thick door that stood between us.
when i went in, she acknowledged me
like the daily routine i came back to my room
and shut the door.
the house was silent.

-------
All I want to do is find my way back into love..


5:34 pm on April 9, 2008 | Joined June 2007 | 281 Days Active
Join to learn more about dreblex Nova Scotia, Canada | Straight Female | 2552 Posts | 5542 Points
kdc824


Connoisseur

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This is very interesting...it leaves the reader wondering why your mom is communicating with you in this way...you *might* add some more explanation regarding that, or leave it as a mystery to the reader.

Nice job!


6:02 pm on April 9, 2008 | Joined June 2007 | 236 Days Active
Join to learn more about kdc824 Idaho, United States | Straight Male | 1530 Posts | 6306 Points
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