I promise you, lovely, there is absolutely a way out. I know you've been struggling so much this year, and I'm so, so sorry that uni wasn't everything you expected. The thing is, though, there's still time to change it, and there's still time to improve it and start enjoying yourself. Firstly, is it at all possible for you to change your course? You're still in your first year, only going into your second, and I would think that you still have time to do that? The thing is, if you continue studying something that you do NOT want to do, and that you don't really even enjoy, well, it'll just get worse and worse until you dread every lecture and don't perform well in exams and stuff because your heart just isn't it it. Would you like to change courses? And if so, what would you like to change to? I know that it's possible in some unis, some I sincerely hope it is in yours. Have a word with whoever advises you about these things, yeah? Explain how unhappy you are with your current course, and you can sit with this person and discuss your options with them. Please don't give up though, yeah? You worked so hard to get where you are now, so don't give it all up if there's a possibility that things can be made right. The year's almost at an end now, you don't have long to go at all, so try to get this dealt with before you head off for the summer - so you're not sat worrying about it constantly. As for friends at uni. Awk, again, I really am so sorry. We all have these lovely ideas in our heads that we're going to meet hundreds of new people and make friends for life, right? And sometimes, that's just not how it works out in the beginning. Sometimes it can take ages before you find a really good group of friends to settle with. Remember, once again, you're almost at the end of the year and when you begin your 2nd year you CAN do all those things you initially wanted to do - join those clubs and societies, get active in sports and whatnot. Those things really and truly are the ways to make friends, I absolutely assure you of that. That's how people made friends where I was at, and it's how I'm going to make friends when I go back. The one positive thing is that you DO have some friends, which is better than nothing, right? I know it's so easy to focus on all the negatives when you're feeling so low, but try having a look out for the positive things too, because they are there. You're going to have the summer to refresh yourself, to try and enjoy life and get comfortable within yourself, to build your confidence up for when you return to uni. You can and absolutely will meet new and more friends in your time there, but you really are going to have to put yourself out there. I know it's scary, I really really do, but you'll start feeling comfortable and chatting away to people in no time. Think about it this way - a wee bit of time feeling uncomfortable, compared to meeting and getting to know people, yeah? It'll be worth it, really it will. I do think it's important for you to get out there whilst you can though. Join those clubs, societies and sporting things. You will absolutely meet people that way.
I'm really sorry that you're granddads ill too. Gosh, that's so awful when a loved one falls ill, so all I can suggest is that you see or speak to him when you can. Who knows what the future holds for any of us, so don't have any regrets, y'know? You'll get through this. I wish and hope that he'll get better soon, but whilst you're waiting, get on the phone to him. Have a chat, send a card, go see him. Whatever is possible for you to do. However small a gesture may be, it can absolutely mean the world to a person sometimes.
You mentioned that you want someone to come and change your life and make it all sparkling and wonderful again. Know what I honestly think? I think you have to be that person. You're in control of your life. I know that sometimes you're not in control of your happiness and that sometimes things happen outwith your control - such as your granddad being ill - but essentially, you're life is your own and you're in control. You can make small changes and begin really smiling again. Really you can. The small changes can make the biggest differences, and I think that, first and foremost, you really need to start believing in yourself again. You CAN and you absolutely WILL get through university, there are just a few things you need to deal with firstly - your current course and your friend situation. Just taking that first small step - talking to someone about your course - will, I'll bet, help you feel even a tiny bit better. It's amazing what relief you can feel when you've just spoken about a certain problem, and tried to find ways to fix it. As I said before, you're unhappiness with your current course can be dealt with (hopefully!) and getting all that on the go by talking to someone about it can really take a weight of your shoulders. As for friends, I'd suggest you just embrace who you DO have now - try arranging nights out, meals together, stuff like that and, hopefully, you can meet people through them from now until the rest of term or, you can just enjoy the activity and begin to feel less lonely. On a bigger scale, you always have the beginning of the year in September (or whatever) to join the big groups and get to know people that way - whether they be first years, people in your year, or even people older.
Sometimes we do go through these absolutely awful dreary patches of our lives, and we don't see any happiness or light at the end of it all, but your entire life isn't going to be this bleak forever, sweet. I'm absolutely sure of it. I honestly think there are just a few things that need sorted out, and you'll begin to feel a whole lot better about your life. Take it slow and take it easy, and you WILL do just grand and you'll pull through this. Remember too that you've got the summer holidays coming up, which are going to provide you with a bit of a break from it all - allow you to go home, chill out and relax, spend time with your grandfather, and work on that confidence of yours.
Is confidence something you think you may have a wee bit of an issue with? I suspect so, from previous posts I've read of yours. I know it can be really scary having to do all this stuff all own your own, so hopefully you can work on a few things when you go home for the summer. Try getting a part time job or something, working with people to build up that confidence. Jobs are really the perfect way to do it, because they force you to interact with new people, and eventually it comes to you with such ease that you wonder where you ever had the problem in the first place! I'm getting a bit ahead of myself now, though, looking towards the summer and jobs and all that jazz. Sorry! I just want to show you that you have so many things ahead of you, and so many ways to work out all this horrible stuff you're going through right now. You have options, yeah? Thing is, the more you sit not doing anything about any of this, the worse you'll feel and eventually it'll all seem to bad that you won't want to do anything anymore. Honestly, if I could change ANYTHING in my whole life, I'd have gotten help for my anxiety straight away at uni and never left. Don't do anything you'll regret, yeah?
I really, really wish it was better for you. Just don't give up, yeah? Life can be such an amazing experience, and you ARE doing really really well considering all your circumstances right now. University hasn't been the best start in the world, but that doesn't mean the rest of it can't be absolutely brilliant though. Try making a plan for yourself, yeah? What you're unhappy about, and how you're going to change. Then, take a deep breath, and do it.
Best of luck to you.
xx
Post edited at 4:59 pm on April 8, 2008 by amiee
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