Gone for now -- LiveWire College Forums

So a little info about me. I am currently a student at UNF in Jacksonville. The last few months have been tough for me. In December I was diagnosed with bipolarity. I know Im not bipolar its depression. I am always sad and I dont have the mood swings associated with bipolarity. My doc put me on some medication which doesnt do shit. Every time I go for a follow up I put on a fake smile and he thinks everything is ok. Its fuckin hilarious. My gf left me for another guy last month. Thats just a shitty situation all around that many of us deal with. Now she just wants to be friends . Its hard to explain but things are never the same once a person becomes an ex. My grades are slipping more and more each day. I used to be a good student. Half the problem is that Im taking classes that don't interest me. When I go to class I start thinking about life alot. Lately Ive been focusing on the negatives in my life. I cant hep it, it just happens. Before I know it class is over. Ok so Im whining a bit, I know. What Im getting at is how the hell am I going to make it out of depression alive by being alone. I have few friends and making new ones has been hard. What I do realize is that when I do hang out with my few friends I am happy with life. Then when I get back to the dorm I get all depressed again.It gets really bad at times. I know joining a club would help me alot but nothing sparks my interest here. The people tend to be snooty here too. I know its not me because I went to two other colleges and made a lot of friends. I don't get it. What I do understand is Im getting more depressed and cant stop it. My doc also always ask if I have sucidal thoughts and again I lie. I wont be institutionalized. I wish I could just find my sense of happiness again. I know a lot of my depression is from being alone so much. I walk around campus and see all these happy people and I just want to scream. What makes me so different from them? I am almost at rock bottom in the way I feel. Nothing excites anymore and I hate it. Music used to be a big part of my life. I used to tell myself that once music stopped holding my interest the end was near. Well it has reached that point. Last week I decided not to go to the concert of one of my favorite bands. I never thought i would get this low. What now?

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