okay so i don't want to sound stupid so please bear with me
lately life has been really kicking me hard and i am so emotionally exhausted. first i am having problems with coping with my bipolar. dad is chronically depressive and unpredictable and clearly not very helpful. i am going through the who i don't have a mom issue and never actually had a mom issue. so i am kind of missing what i never had if that makes any sense. for example prom is coming up and i had to go prom dress shopping with dad and it was embarrassing even though i really love my dad. i don't have a whole lot of friends to bitch and vent to because i don't have a lot of friends in the first place because i live in a small town and go to a small school and my friends either have their own problems to worry about or i don't feel like they would really get what is going on. dad has girlfriend that is partially trying to fill the mom void but understandably has her own life to deal with and is going through a lot with her job right now. not to mention the fact if she does agree to hang out and to mom stuff with me dad talks her out of it in fear that it will stretch her too thin. and he expects me to help him see how she thinks so that he can decode her mind and then gets pissed offf with what i say. don't get me wrong i really love my dad and he is really great but he isn't the same as a mom. school is giving me a lot of pressure too with speech team and the play at the end of the month and that damned prom plannning. i feel like i can't take it any more. i am not happy. no one can see how fucking sick i am. how fucking broken i am. i don't feel like i should about the people i love and the things i am passionate about. the last thing on my mind is my art and it is usuallyy really important to me. everything just seems coated in mud. i want to be happy but can't find the motivation or the energy to even try. dad wants me to see a therapist but i have seen so many that just plateau after a few months of therapy so i am scared they won't do any good.
i feel so lost and torn and broken. i even feel as though i have lost my faith in god and that scares me a lot.
i need help.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
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