I should start by saying that I think my body is really down. I tell everybody that my body just shut down. Of course I tell everybody who asks.
I didn't like feeling I had when I was thirteen and my grandma died. That was just shocking for me, and how my mom was crying a lot.
But then there came 2004 and I started feeling like I was "high on life" not really. I just felt weird but now that I think of it. It wasn't that bad. I've never done a single illegal drug (I'm 17) so I've never done a drug illegally.
In those days everybody was concerned about me, which I appreciated because I don't like it when people are inconsiderate. Those days lasted for a little less than a month. All of a sudden I woke up one day and started feeling weird.
Then there came 2006, in the summer of that year I (as weird as it sounds) started to get a high feeling off of listening to my favorite music. Well I don't know if it matters but I sorta asked for feeling relaxed while listening to that music. I focused on getting relaxed. I know that's not bad but then I had guilt because of some things, I had too much stress on my life and I had fears, so I exploded in what I liked to call a "Nervous breakdown" but I know I was too young to have one, I was 16 in 2006. Although I know that's the first time my body stopped working like it always did. I had trouble walking and talking. I looked like I was dying of aids and drug addiction, even though I've never been exposed to the risk of both things.
I got that weird kind of depression again and I started to feel better. Since that day that I had the breakdown I felt like I was just floating around the world and something was healing me... well you wanna know what that was? That was me focusing on getting that feeling from music. FYI it's Hector Lavoe (El Cantante).
So now we go on to 2007. I had just come back from Miami and everything seemed alright. But I became very guilty. Therefore I developed a curiosity on drugs. I wanted to to marijuana, heroin, cocaine, meth & ecstasy. I wanted to try each one once. Now I know that I'll never do any of that and I'll wait till I'm 21 to have my drinks and 18 to smoke a cigarette. But that's not the point, the thing is that I had finally been healed because I had been (I guess you can say "meditating") with Lavoe's songs and my two other favorite singers for a long time. I'm a very weird guy I know, for example I look deep into the eyes of people who are on pictures to get a relaxed feeling on my body.
I forgot all about stress and all about being depressed by the end of 2007.
In 2008, all of my dreams got shattered. I could not enjoy anything and honestly that's happening right now. I don't feel like doing anything ever and I don't see a reason to wake up in the morning. I wanna get that amazing feeling I used to get but I can't. I feel like the only solution will be when I'm 21 and I can get my drinks (Like that would heal my pain).
Sorry if for my long "autobiography" but I need to know what's up with my life and if my future seems hopeful. PLEASE HELP!! THANK YOU! P.S. I'M NOT LYING!!!
Post edited at 4:51 pm on Mar. 3, 2008 by HeyYo17
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