There is no point in working toward something that will never happen.
No reasoning I see for me to live like this anymore...either.
and..don't ask what's wrong with me...i'm not in the mood.....
There is nothing I can do. I don't, I don't, perhaps I do not think rationally.
Go ahead...I already know the type of response I will get.

I'm already sick of writing this.

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Love is all I ever really want out of life.

There's honestly nothing more I can say. You know what realistic goals you can set, you know what you can realistically do and achieve in life. One thing it takes above all else, though, is belief in yourself. If you don't feel that people love or care for you then all you can do is carry on with your life, learning to love yourself, gaining friendships and love as you go along your way. These things do come along, but if you keep switching yourself off and keep refusing to believe that SOMEONE (someone even being YOU) could love you, well, you're only hurting yourself more.

There's no answer to life, there's no right way to get through it. We can only do what we can at the end of the day.

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it's broken beyond repair. it's in a million little pieces.

You have so much anger inside of you... try to let it out a bit more... let it go through music, exercise, poetry... anything that works for you...

And with time, you'll find that you can stay 'on' more easily.  You just need the time... if these things could all suddenly disappear overnight, then it wouldn't have caused you so many problems.

And... be a bit more open to others... because from what you say.. it sounds that you close everyone off from your life.  You are too scared or angry to let anyone get close to you.  It's scary trusting people, especially when you've been hurt in the past... but little by little, you'll find that people can be there for you when you need them.  For some people, you just have to give them that chance...

As lame as this may come across you are still a presence and present in time. Only you are responsible for the actions you take to try and overcome that one day. You say it isn't worth it, yet, something stops you from a major choice in your life. Whatever is stopping is your queue to look into that and look at it. That's your meaning to live and move forward.

I can't tell you what purposes we have here, whether you want to know is up to you. Yet, whatever you come across is your own idea. You make those negative ideas apart of your life. You can even make it apart of your life to move on, and look back and see what you came across.

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Shut the front door.
Holy mother of pearl  

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sometimes i just want to give it all up, throw it all away because its been so difficult, it has numbed me to the point where the only time i "feel" is when the anger is burning inside me.
How could I keep myself "switching off", how do i stay "on", when for the longest time people have turned themselves off...to me?

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Don't we all, though? Don't we all at some point or another wonder what in the world we're doing here, and wish it could be easier to just give it all up? Thing is, though, the majority of people don't just give up, because there's always a way to carry on and continue living. It's exactly the same for you. Life is terribly difficult, yes, but there are absolutely always ways to deal with it and continue living. Why, if there wasn't, well, you wouldn't be here today. You're finding ways of coping and living, and you're not doing a bad job. Just waking up in the morning shows that you have hope that perhaps someday it can get better for you.

Life is difficult. There are always going to be difficulties, but the important thing is to recognise that really, it's not all bad, is it? I mean, you're still here. You have a future, a future which you can control and you have power over, right? What do you do with yourself? I know very little about you - so do you go to school? Have a job? Plan on attending college? What are your plans? There's a whole wide world out there, and it's free and open to you. Should you wish to embrace it.

Really though, you've got to let go of this anger. I know it's hard and it IS going to take a hell of a long time, but somehow, I reckon it would really help for you to try and find a way of dealing with whatever's happened to cause this anger, and trying dealing with it, accepting it, and putting it behind you. Only then can you let go of that anger, and stop feeling so bad about it all the time.

As for people switching themselves off to you. I'm not being rude, but, have you ever considered that with your depression and anger and everything else you're feeling, you've maybe switched yourself off a little too? Maybe it's a two way thing, y'know? It's something a lot of people do when they experience depression, and it doesn't make you a bad person or anything like that, it just means that your world is all clogged up and foggy due to those awful feelings. The world isn't out to get you and I FULLY believe that there are people out there who could (if not already) love and care for you. But the longer you contain all of this anger and resentment towards people, well, the longer and harder it's going to be to feel that love and care.

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it's broken beyond repair. it's in a million little pieces.