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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / The Serious Forum / Viewing Topic

Am I Crazy?????
Replies: 1Last Post Mar. 24 7:03pm by wolverineh8ter
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( Anonymous )

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Ok please take this seriously and don't judge me. I'm just expressing my thoughts right now. I know what I'm about to say is a bit strange but it's really what I've been thinking so just listen.
Well, I'm 17 years old and I'm a senior. I've always been a good student with lots of goals and I've been accepted into a good college. My mom and everyone else thinks that I'm this perfectly well grounded person but they don't know that deep down I'm going through so many things.

One, I have bulimia. I haven't been diagnosed but I don't need to be to know that i'm bullimic. I've been purging for 4 years now and have had trouble with my body image for 6. I'm not sure but I think I have some kind of anxiety disorder as well as anger problems (those my family know about). I also am experiencing some kind of depression. Its on and off though so I don't know if I can call it depression. This year I've been experimenting with weed & alcohol.

Now here's the big problem. I WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE! I don't know why exactly I feel this way but I wish I could just run away to some bad area and get pregnant or become a prostitute or become a drug addict. I just want a stress free life. I know that its ridiculous to desire that kind of life but i feel like life would be so much easier if i just stopped trying to be what everyone else wants me to be and started being myself. deep down im not an angel. i want to be "BAD". I just want to live life on the edge. I don't want to plan out every minute of my life. I just want things to just happen and I want to live life MY WAY. I just want FREEDOM TO BE ME. I don't want any boundaries or anyone telling me what to do or anyone judging me. When I was younger I was bad and I liked myself better that way. Now I feel like I'm just being someone that's not really me.

PLEASE HELP!!!


6:11 pm on Mar. 23, 2008
wolverineh8ter


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You don't have to live life how everyone else does, but at the same time society is set up a certain way for a certain reason. Certain walks of life have different consequences. If you are living in the inner city hopped up on meth stealing things for a living just to get more meth, then:

1: Your body is going to deteriorate faster.
2: You may end up in jail.

Living that life isn't desirable in the end, that is probably why the large majority don't choose to live it. The stresses of normal life are much better than life on the street. That's another thing. You say running away and being a drug addict is stress free. It isn't. Instead of stressing over a college exam, you are stressing over finding your next meal. Basically instead of being on the top of this chart, you are on the bottom, satisfying the basic needs of life.

In College, in your job, in a normal life, you are free to express yourself and be you. You have talents and abilities that not a lot of other people posses, just as most people do. On the street, you don't have the freedom and the resources to live the best life you can live or be the best person you can be.

If you think you have anxiety disorders, then why are you keeping it to yourself? That makes it worse. Sit down with your mom, a teacher , or a counselor and tell them that you are feeling stressed on the inside. These people are here for you. They want to help you and achieve the top part of that pyramid and see you strive.

I rambled a bit I guess. I went on random tangents. As always, my inbox is always open to more questions if you want me to give you more random tidbits of and wisdom I may posses.

~Shaun

Post edited at 10:43 am on Mar. 28, 2008 by wolverineh8ter

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7:03 pm on Mar. 24, 2008 | Joined Feb. 2004 | 828 Days Active
Join to learn more about wolverineh8ter Michigan, United States | Straight Male | 5761 Posts | 21699 Points
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