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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / The Serious Forum / Viewing Topic

Help me from myself
Replies: 3Last Post Mar. 23 7:09am by Anonymous
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Web Resources: Suicide Myths Dispelled, Suicide Information
USA Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
( Anonymous )

Reply
Dear readers,
This may be long and complicated, but I beg your indulgence. I need peoples views, advice or any comments that could help me to understand myself or to help me from myself. This is NOT any kind of joke, I am serious and expect only serious replies, please.

For years I have thought, dreamt and even I guess fantasised about killing people. I've thought about how I would kill them, what it would feel like, where I would dispose of the bodies. I thought this would just fade away with time but it hasn't, its become stronger, almost into a longing to kill. I have said things in less detail to close friends, even when I say I'm being serious they just don't believe me. I spoke to Samaritans, said I was scared I may hurt someone and I wanted to be put into a hospital, but they said they cannot do anything but listen to me. I'm scare of my anger, my lust to kill. I know that I would not just randomly kill someone right this second, but in the future.. I just know in my heart that I am capable of killing

Has anyone else ever felt this way? What can be done? I know it's a deep psychological thing that will not just go away on its own, and if I tell people they either don't believe me or will get me into a lot of trouble. I sometimes think I would be better if I kill myself before this need overcomes me.

(I know people don't take anonymous posts very seriously but this is to protect myself)


5:10 am on Mar. 23, 2008
Periwinkle


=)

Sustainer
Support Leader
Reply
Many, many people have thoughts that could be considered disturbing. You are not the only one.

The difference comes when you feel you want to act on your thoughts. Do you? Do you actually want to kill someone? Are you genuinely scared of your thoughts, your ideas, your capabilities?

Have you ever tried to seek help from a counsellor (other than the Samaritans) who has the power to do more? It may be an idea worth considering.

-------
You love me because I like daffodils because they are yellow
But I do not like daffodils because they are yellow


6:30 am on Mar. 23, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2006 | 479 Days Active
Join to learn more about Periwinkle England, United Kingdom | GLBT Ally Female | 12980 Posts | 26640 Points
Decadence


Omnipotent One

Patron
Support Leader
Reply
Well, this is a very delicate subject and you clearly need the help and support as soon as possible.
It's not common, however, it's not unheard of, and there are ways you can get help.
You really need to get in touch with a counsellor, so you can be treated with confidentiality and with professional understanding.
You mentioned you are scared of your anger, I wonder if this is due to past issues, that you did not fully handle? If that is the case, seeing a counsellor can help uncover these issues and attempt to overcome them.
In the mean time, I'd advise you to check out the following links, that give you advice, support and information on controlling your anger:
Website 1
Website 2
Website 3

You may also find help about controlling your fantasies from the following links:
Website 4
Website 5
Website 6
Website 7
Website 8

Avoid being on your own, so these thoughts don't arise in your head and coax you in to committing such acts.
Also, keep away from potentially dangerous items.

All the best.

-------
Lauraaaa is my owner.
Find Madeleine
Coke heads couldn't do my lines.


6:35 am on Mar. 23, 2008 | Joined July 2006 | 333 Days Active
Join to learn more about Decadence England, United Kingdom | 7729 Posts | 17344 Points
( Anonymous )

Reply
Yes I do actually want to kill. Before it was just a fear that I would but now its become something I want to do. I think people deserve to die! I sit there some nights looking out the window thinking about how easy it would be to go out into the dark and kill an unsuspecting victim. Sometimes I realise its illogical but other times it feels like something I must do. Sometimes I even think about how easy it would be go into my parents room at night and kill them in there sleep, which really scares me because I love them, I feel no anger or hatred towards them, so I don't understand I why would want to do that.

I've just started seeing a college counsellor for depression (it wasn't my choice, my tutor thought I would benefit from talking to someone) and now my counsellor has contacted my doctor because I have "suicidal tendencies", if I say I am a danger to myself or anyone else she has to report it, and my parents, tutor and doctor will be informed. So I can't mention this to her. And there's no way I could get the courage to discuss this with my doctor.

I want to understand why I want to kill, if it's a power thing.. people have always controlled my life. They've bullied me and made me hate myself. Its probably because of that. I guess...
I don't know what to do anymore

Thank you for the replies and links!


7:09 am on Mar. 23, 2008
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