Andy (4:15:41 PM): So you chillin tonight?
Andy (4:16:14 PM): Shoman said this song made him feel like he was rollin. Tell me whatchoo think
Mike (4:16:16 PM): yea prolly i dunno ... kinda dont feel like comin thru to brian's and doin the same old shit
Andy (4:16:25 PM): That shit is dull
Andy (4:16:33 PM): but then again, what isn't?
Andy (4:16:49 PM): I don't go there because I enjoy being there or some shit
Andy (4:17:03 PM): I just need a place to get fucked up without the possibility of legal recourse
Mike (4:17:37 PM): and yet im always in a place like that yet i still come thru
Andy (4:18:02 PM): I'd come to your house more but, you know, I'm a broke fiend
Mike (4:18:13 PM): hehe
Andy (4:18:13 PM): I'd much rather go there and listen to music
Andy (4:18:27 PM): but when you don't got $4 to spare, you don't got $4 to spare
Andy (4:18:34 PM): Tell me whatchoo think of the song
Mike (4:19:09 PM): its good yp
Mike (4:19:11 PM): yo*
Andy (4:20:42 PM): I gotta find some better shit to do with my life
Andy (4:21:09 PM): I feel like everything good within me is dying the more I hang out with Brian and Rob. I don't wanna be on some generic wannabe-gangsta shit like them for the rest of my life.
Andy (4:21:19 PM): Well, actually, Brian could feasibly be a gangster if he wanted to
Andy (4:21:21 PM): but Rob's a bitch
Andy (4:21:24 PM): but thinks he isn't
Mike (4:21:26 PM): rofl
Andy (4:21:28 PM): because he doesn't dress the part
Andy (4:21:47 PM): I wanna meet people who don't think that they become something just because they dress the part.
Andy (4:22:20 PM): and that nigga Al, even though he's a shallow bastard, he made a mad good point the other day which has resonated with me ever since I heard him make it
Mike (4:22:38 PM): what's that
Andy (4:23:37 PM): basically that you can't really treat drug friends like regular friends or expect them to be there for you because all they do is use you
Andy (4:23:49 PM): and it's very true and sadly it's only recently that I've come to terms with that
Andy (4:24:22 PM): which has made me more spiteful towards people in general...I feel like every day brings me closer to some sort of killing spree or mayve just suicide
Andy (4:24:25 PM): This shit sucks. :/
Andy (4:24:35 PM): Not that I'm accusing you of that or anything
Andy (4:24:43 PM): but people like Brian and Rob...they use you
Andy (4:25:17 PM): and only act like your friend when you got dough and shit
Mike (4:25:24 PM): well i hope you know im not like that ... to tell you the truth . im not a feind for drugs weed or whatever .. i can go fine without it .. i just smoke so i wouldnt be alone but lately ive been feeling like it doesnt make much difference anymore
Andy (4:25:33 PM): yo tell me honestly has anyone talked shit about me behind my back while I wasn't there?
Andy (4:26:37 PM): I think everyone is like that on some level, though. Probably even me. I mean, in regards to like karl, definitely
Andy (4:26:59 PM): It's not even Brian, really. I mean, Brian's greedy and grimy as fuck but who isn't?
Andy (4:27:21 PM): Rob on the other hand is just a shallow bitch
Andy (4:27:31 PM): who cares about stupid shit
Mike (4:28:40 PM): its surprising that you chose to talk to me about this because ive always felt that you acted as a friend when i had weed or do and whenever you owed me or something else you were just negative or indifferent ..
Andy (4:29:07 PM): I guess I can be somewhat of a fairweather friend...it's not really intentional
Andy (4:29:14 PM): if I wanted to straight up USE you, you'd know
Andy (4:29:18 PM): I mean, come on, you're not Lori. lol
Andy (4:29:37 PM): My point is, I'm trying not to be like that
Andy (4:29:50 PM): and I feel like the more I keep chilling with them the more I turn into this generic scum
Andy (4:30:00 PM): always trolling for pussy or money or weed
Mike (4:30:15 PM): yeah im not socially distraught where i dont know the difference between whos a friend for what reason and so on .. i understand tho
Andy (4:31:12 PM): When it comes right down to it, though, no one gives a fuck about you except your family and MAYBE a girl if you're lucky enough to be involved with a nice one
Andy (4:31:27 PM): That shit is just starting to hit home like fully
Mike (4:32:01 PM): in hischool and on i only acted like weed was most important because everyone else did but really i just wanted friends n shit .. there are people that arent like this .. but they arent around too often
Andy (4:32:33 PM): I always liked people until about a year ago. Now, I hate nearly everyone.
Andy (4:34:15 PM): Don't you hate it when the music you're listening to kind of synchronizes with the emotional tone of the conversation you're having? "Washer" by Slint has never sounded more appropriate than now
Mike (4:34:48 PM): yeah thats happened to me before heh /// that songs pretty depressing
Andy (4:35:24 PM): I tried to tell some people at Dono about Spiderland...they didn't know what the fuck I was talking about
Andy (4:35:39 PM): and I don't think they would even appreciate it if they were lucky enough to find that shit on their own
Andy (4:35:53 PM): I mean, you can probably imagine my reaction the first time I heard Spiderland
Andy (4:36:05 PM): I was like in the 7th fucking grade. This record changed my life.
Mike (4:36:20 PM): hah i know what you mean
Andy (4:36:53 PM): I think they are pretty much the greatest conventional guitar-based rock band
Andy (4:37:12 PM): Bardo's output is more vast but SLint's discography is flawless
Mike (4:37:59 PM): anyway bouyt the question before .. honestly noone talk shit about you when your not there ... i used to tell walt you were inconsiderate awhile ago and walt said some things but lately or for the past year there hasnt been any shittalking about anyone cept karl and lori .. and i dunno about me .. i kinda get the feeling walt talks shit bout me
Andy (4:38:27 PM): I don't think he does...I mean, at least not around me
Andy (4:38:41 PM): What did walt say? lol
Mike (4:39:51 PM): uh i dont really remeber but nothing to the point where there wuld be any feelings of embarrassment or whatever .. think it was on the lines on you having a bad temper but like i said it was awhile ago
Andy (4:40:07 PM): I can't even deny that
Andy (4:40:12 PM): I have a horrible temper
Andy (4:40:22 PM): I mean, come on, I broke my dad's arm :/
Mike (4:40:31 PM): you did -.o?
Andy (4:40:36 PM): but that's part of what pisses me off so much about people like Rob
Andy (4:40:43 PM): they just think they're tough because they dress the part
Andy (4:40:56 PM): He probably thinks he's tougher than me because he dresses blacker or some shit
Andy (4:41:14 PM): and I have a feeling him and brian talk shit about me behind my back. could you try to find out the next time they come to your crib or some shit?
Mike (4:41:33 PM): well noone can ever change that .. you cant hate a certain grp of people you must hate the whole species
Andy (4:41:36 PM): and yeah, I did. Not something I'm proud of.
Mike (4:42:04 PM): you just took it and broke it or you had a fight ?
Andy (4:42:40 PM): Well, he struck me and I just got really mad and slammed him down on the ground
Mike (4:42:45 PM): i never heard brian or rob talk shit bout nayone cept karl and lori
Andy (4:43:09 PM): and he ended up shattering his wrist
Andy (4:43:16 PM): It was one of the worst moments of my life.
Mike (4:43:30 PM): damn i could imagine .. must have sucked
Andy (4:44:05 PM): Yeah I still feel horrible about it.
Mike (4:45:19 PM): anyway .. i used to talk shit with walt about people .. but i feel like ive become wiser to the point where i realize when ppl talk smack that its only to make themselves feel better .. so i definitely dont say anything about anyone cept those i dont know
Andy (4:46:26 PM): Oh, of course. It's the standard method of feeding one's ego...by belittling others for whatever reason
Mike (4:46:35 PM): =)
Andy (4:46:54 PM): be it the color of their skin, the way they talk, their sexual orientation, nationality etc. etc.
Andy (4:47:14 PM): That's part of why I stopped going to college
Andy (4:47:32 PM): I was sick and tired of my "fellow" students fucking staring at me all the time
Andy (4:48:06 PM): like I was some kind of pathetic creature merely there for their amusement. I fucking hate college, and that shit is probably always going to hold me back.
Andy (4:48:24 PM): I get more and more desperate and pyschotic and murderous everyday.
Mike (4:48:40 PM): its understandable
Mike (4:48:58 PM): lol that reminds me of something .. have i told you about that day i had to do an oral presentation on white supremacy
Andy (4:49:13 PM): People have been giving me shit about the way I look my entire life- lol nah you didn't, that sounds hilarious
Andy (4:49:29 PM): and it's only recently that I've learned to stand up to anyone, even if it means taking a beatdown
Mike (4:50:00 PM): well its was sort of a debate and i was kinda forced into the position to argue for it because i was absent the day ppl chose their positions
Andy (4:50:11 PM): ...Wow. lol
Mike (4:50:39 PM): so anyway .. i was high and lazy so i just printed diff shit from the internet not really caring about it and wrote a script
Andy (4:51:19 PM): I fucking hate group work and getting up in front of the class so much
Andy (4:51:29 PM): The next proffessor that tries to get me to do that, I'm gonna bitch him or her out
Mike (4:53:02 PM): one part was about the bible i forgot what part but one said this was supposed to serve this or something like .. obviously saying white man is superior .. and even though the teacher told everyone these ppl arent saying what they belive e in but they are debating and despite the fact that i dont believe in any superiorit of anyone over anyone .. dont belive in god where i would believe what the bible said or anything like that
Andy (4:53:10 PM): I bitched my English proffessor out
Andy (4:53:19 PM): He just pissed me the fuck off.
Andy (4:53:38 PM): So what happened?
Mike (4:54:45 PM): this black kid still got pissed where i said that .. he looked at me like he was goin  to beat me up because i said that .. i felt like getting up and making him feel stupid about not understanding the concept of debate and so on but i didnt because i didnt want to get kicked out
Mike (4:55:28 PM): so anyway .. he obviously believed the bible or whatever and was hurt
Mike (4:56:17 PM): the whole situation was shaky .. a white kid argueing for white supremacy
Mike (4:56:42 PM): i felt bad doing it because i wasnt allowed to sta5te my own opinion
Andy (4:56:57 PM): That is pretty damn fucked up.
Mike (4:57:52 PM): thus i felt bad coming to that class since that day because people didnt know what i really believed in and i sat there and thoughts kept rushing into my head like they think im racist or things like that even thought im totally against it
Mike (4:59:24 PM): and basically i cut that class to the point where i failed it lol ... thats what i fucking hate abut college .. all this stupid shit that could bring up variations of how you feel about the class ... im gonna hate being nervous everytime expecting some shit to come up where ill have to exclude my oiwn feelings to gain points for my fucking gpa .. its soo fuckign demeaning
Andy (5:00:06 PM): That is pretty fucked up. :/
Andy (5:00:31 PM): The shit with my English proffessor...he wasn't really trying to make me look bad or go against my belief
Andy (5:00:35 PM): *beliefs
Andy (5:00:47 PM): but he was like assigning people different roles for some kind of group shit
Andy (5:00:58 PM): and he told me I was a Middle Eastern prince
Mike (5:01:06 PM): its like this society shapes you where you kill something that means alot to gain something that doesnt mean shit outside the materialistic culture
Andy (5:01:06 PM): I looked at him for like a good minute to see if he was actually being serious
Andy (5:01:14 PM): cos I had already been in heated arguments with him by that point
Andy (5:01:19 PM): but then I realized he was being serious
Andy (5:01:50 PM): So I was like "What the fuck do I look like, fucking Hajji? This ain't fucking Johnny Quest"
Andy (5:02:09 PM): It was just some straight up racist shit.
Andy (5:02:22 PM): I got kicked out of the class
Mike (5:02:40 PM): damn
Andy (5:02:56 PM): I fucking hate college
Andy (5:02:59 PM): I know I need it, but goddamn
Andy (5:03:02 PM): there's just so much bullshit
Andy (5:03:09 PM): and the people there are so fucked up and shallow
Mike (5:03:09 PM): i bet it wasnt even that he was racist but he just wNted to be an asshole to you because of all the arguements before lol
Andy (5:03:39 PM): Maybe...but that;s still some petty fucked up shit
Mike (5:03:45 PM): yeah
Andy (5:03:52 PM): I just don't know what to do
Andy (5:04:13 PM): I feel like I don't belong there
Mike (5:04:33 PM): same here .. its basically that we have to change to soemthign we dont want to be .. otherwise we cant survive
Andy (5:04:52 PM): Everyone thinks they're on some intellectual-ass shit and they act like what they have to offer to the discussion is SOOOO fucking important and insightful
Andy (5:05:02 PM): even if it isn't
Mike (5:05:32 PM): yeah like i said and im not sure if you saw it .... its like this society shapes you where you kill something that means alot to gain something that doesnt mean shit outside the materialistic culture
Andy (5:05:34 PM): I'm starting to think that I would have been better off being born a Bedouin or something, maybe
Andy (5:05:50 PM): Nah, I saw...and I agree completely
Mike (5:06:02 PM): this time period jus isnt right
Andy (5:06:14 PM): You gotta change yourself on a fundamental level to not go against the grain of things.
Andy (5:06:49 PM): Do you have to do a lot of group work in your classes at LaGuardia?
Mike (5:07:31 PM): nope .. that was th eonly class and it was only for 1 day ... really depends on the professor .. its not like a set curriculum or anything
Andy (5:08:03 PM): I was getting group work out the ass in that English class
Andy (5:08:08 PM): God, I fucking hate people.
Mike (5:09:28 PM): i dunno if it may be better .. but if you went to laguardia and if we talked about the bullshit that happens or somethign liek that at the end of the day .. it may help the process of goin to college even by a little .. but i dunno ... im dreading my future years in college
Andy (5:09:46 PM): Yeah I'm thinking about it
Andy (5:09:51 PM): I don't really know though
Andy (5:09:56 PM): Music is the only thing I really care about
Mike (5:11:51 PM): yeah well .. i dont even know whats most important to me anymore
Andy (5:12:12 PM): but it's so hard to even pursue a career in music without changing yourself in some way
Andy (5:12:34 PM): if you want to cater to the lowest common denominator, at least, which is where they money is at
Andy (5:13:39 PM): *the
Andy (5:14:05 PM): Even musicians I used to think had integrity are starting to do that shit
Andy (5:14:08 PM): like Jesu
Andy (5:14:18 PM): Apparently david is a big fan of Jesu now...
Andy (5:14:35 PM): They sold the fuck out and basically became a heavy pop punk band.
Mike (5:14:46 PM): all these things are pretty good justifications to kill yourself ,,, i was thinking it too ... shit but it seems like im goin to have to go to college and get a job like everyone else as much as i hate it .. i just hope i can seperate and conserve the part of me which is as it is

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http://youtube.com/user/ruptureskullz
www.luminist.org

-sarcasm-

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69'n is a habit.

Really.

Fascinating.

But aside from that, be as independent as you want. Do all the drugs you want, just make sure you have the money to back that up, along with bills, rent, food etc.

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Educators destroy your brain,
but you don't know, so why care?
Fagotto

You, my friend, are thinking thoughts that almost every single human being (albeit, one who thinks and is aware) is thinking right now.  

I couldn't help but feel inspired by what you guys are discussing.  I've been thinking these thoughts myself.  

My advice is to you should express these thoughts in writing, in the form of poems and stories.

Post edited at 10:05 am on Jan. 3, 2008 by CellarDoor

House prices are sky-high, which means first-time buyers need to earn at least £30k to buy a studio flat or a 1 bedroom apartment in London. Many young people can never dream to get the kind of houses their parents have because the country is simply so overpopulated and everything is at the cut-throat level.

So they go abroad to poorer but more cheerful, sunny countries like Bulgaria and buy property - which forces the prices up, which means the local people can't afford houses anymore. So the locals come to Britain as migrant workers in the knowledge that they'll earn 2-3 times more than back in Bulgaria. This, in turn, drives the hourly wage of workers down. So, many of the native workers choose to not work at all and be on social security benefits because earning minimum wage doesn't pay all the bills, and so they go on social security... which condemns them to a life of poverty, but at least the basics are paid for.

But I intend to live on a houseboat so that I don't have to pay much rent and work so hard (apparently houseboat rent & bills are like £200 a month, as opposed to an apartment's £1100) , I want to live an alternative, freer life. I want to work part-time and write books and plays.  

I think there are always ways round things. You don't always have to do the prescribed route. Just, don't get into illegal business and everything should be alright.

Post edited at 9:55 am on Jan. 3, 2008 by CellarDoor

If you choose to live the life of someone who works 40 hours a week for the next 40 years of his life, then that's your choice, you don't have to go through with it.  And it doesn't make you a failure.

I think the problem with society is that all these things which are difficult to attain and which are so difficult to be on top of -  such as jobs, mortgages, marriages, parenting - are taken for granted.  It's assumed that everyone will be able to do those things well if they put their minds to it, or that everyone will want to have those things in life.  If they don't, they are seen as freaks, weirdos.

Other countries are much more lenient towards these things.  In other, poorer, countries you'll find that people are much more happy and cheerful even though they have less money.  They have simple, good things such as a community spirit, a love of good food, festivals, sunshine and so on.

Seriously dude, if that's how you feel about life, you need to 1) come to terms with it gradually and heal
2) travel or move to a different country

And I know that US universities are different to UK ones.  Our honours degrees are 3 years, instead of 4.  I can imagine how I would have gone mad had I stayed on for another year because I didn't learn much.  In my second year I wanted to quit.

But there is life out there that is so much bigger than you and I.  There's a whole world out there man!  So explore it!  Try new things, experience things, escape to a dream world by reading new and weird books.

Keep going!

Post edited at 5:49 am on Feb. 23, 2008 by 3ffigy

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www.luminist.org