You said that you only did it twice, which is great! You want to try and make sure you don't do it again though, or this escape will rapidly become an addiction that you won't be able to get away from.

You really need to find someone that you can talk to and vent. It's extremely important that you are able to get your emotions out there. If you don't have anyone in your real life to talk to, you can message me if you'd like. I know what it is that you are going through.

Also, you are going to need to find a good coping method that works for you. I don't know you personally, so I would only be able to bounce ideas out there. For me, writing down my emotions helps. You could also listen to music, drawing, sleeping, talking, the old rubber band trick, sometimes drawing on yourself with a red marker works, keeping a journal, etc. There are a million things that can be done. You just have to see which thing is right for you.

Good luck Hun, and remember to message me any time. :)