Every time I even look in the mirror, I'm disgusted. No, I don't think I'm ugly or fat. I just hate the person that I am. Because it's not the real me. I'm acting the way I act to be with a guy that I shouldn't be with. I'm not being real at all. I'm so completely fake these days, it's almost laughable.

And i know I shouldn't. You're going to tell me he's just a guy and that I should get over it. Well I can't. Pathetically enough, I love him. Because the person I keep falling in love with comes through every so often, and I just can't leave him.

I hate myself. I hate that I've changed myself for one person, and I'm not even sure if he actually cares about me. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I just had to get it out. I'll probably post anonymous just  because I play myself as such a confident, happy, self-assured person on here and mostly all the time. And I don't want people knowing how I really feel.

And I know that people are just gonna say get over it and be yourself, but its harder than it seems. Part of me doesn't want to lose this guy because of the great person he can be sometimes. But the other part really hates her life right now.

   I know that you think he's a great person, but if he was that great you would feel the need to change everything just to meet up to his standards. Thats not right for the both of you. If the continues and the truth comes out he's going to feel fooled and you're going to end up feeling fake.

Its like playing with fire, one of you are going to end up being burned.

Good Luck.

-------
OMG.
OMG.
OMG.