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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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i just realized that! poor timing though, i don't know who i am, but i do know that wherever i go, whatever i do, it will be for the sake of the spotlight. i wonder if i ever cared about people's feelings in the first place? With the exception of my family. to limewire: "i have bipolar disorder! help me! i have (blank)disorder, i'm depressed, help me, help me, help me!" shit why hasn't someone said "dude STFU here's what you really need to worry about". to my friends: all i want is to hang out, but when i do, i'll get bored because i KNOW friends won't make me happy. i'll pretend to be happy, to laugh, to be merry, to make small talk. but really, im forcing it. i really want you to know how i'm suffering. and later i'll daydream about getting you back, about becoming famous, THEN i'll show you! to my (ex)girlfriends: what the fuck were you thinking?! you should of know my track record before you got involved! now you know of the basketcase i am, that im clingy, then i'm not, that im mean, then i'm super nice. all while keeping you away from intimicy because im too much of a wussy. to my brother: i insult you day in, day out,, because you are a little autistic, because, in my mind, you are doing what i did. played video games all day, extremely isolated, super akward. i can't stand to look at me again, to know what i was, and what i could indirectly be causing. just because one brother isn't alive doesn't mean i have to take it out on you. is there a cure for people like me?
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MindArtist
Wealthy Hobo
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HAHHAHAHA!!!! Well done
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TheFortunate
Connoisseur
 Patron
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What does Limewire have to do with anything?
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Some girls try too hard.
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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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Quote: from TheFortunate at 2:56 pm on July 25, 2008
 What does Limewire have to do with anything? 
it doesn't , but that's what the topics i post are about. i just whine and shit.
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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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OK everyone i think i made this wrong: What i wrote here are quotes from what i've done or said to people! im not passive aggressively talking about them!
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princessalyssa
Advisor
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Well.
First of all,how old are you?
You don't need to whine about everyhthing,all the time.
Things most likely aren't as bad as you may be making them out to be,and that's not rying to write your emotions off as needy,it's just an opinion.
Do something that makes you happy,don't daydream,just do it.
Be bold,go for what you want and be with the people you want to.
Fear of intimacy is common,I'm personally afraid of getting to close to others,but I'm working on it,and it's definitely worth it.
Give it try,this is the only life tha you get are you truly living it?
<3
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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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no i know im not living my life how i want it. i don't even know who i am, much less what the hell i should do with my life. im 19, but i've gone through stuff adults go through.
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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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i think i just realized something. I don't think i WANT to be happy. holy shit.
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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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i do want help, thogh
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goodheart4ever
Dairy Product Addict
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There are many who have overcame Social anxiety and Depression, it is possible but needs time and presistence.
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princessalyssa
Advisor
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That's the problem,human nature is to not do what makes them happy.It's actually proven, and how crazy is that?/
You know what I think, people don't want to be happy because they feel as if others will pay less attention to them,they'll lose the attention and sympathy they naturally get from others therefore actually having to "fend for themselves".
Let me guess you're 19 and you feel like 100?
I don't know you're life but I can speak from personal experience. I'm 17 and I've been through a lot of low points in my life that a lot of adults can't even begin to imagine. That gives me an oppurtunity to bitch and whine of how bad my life sucks, but I don't. Because I don't want to waste any time doing that, I've seen others waste their lifes away because they we're too busy throwing themselves a pity party.Do you want to be that person? Or do you want to be the person that stands up and says "Yeah I've been through hell and I've been knocked down but I'm not going to let that stop me,I'm tough." you don't even realize how big of a rolemodel you can be to others that are going through the same thing.Just take that first step,which is usually is the hardest. But, you can do it, I have faith that you're strong because you openly admit that you have an issue,most people are too much of cowards to even do that.
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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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WOW. thanks alyssa. your right about all of that. the truth is, and it's true, im totally and completely obsessed with myself. here's an example, a horrible, horrible example. i was really depressed 2 months ago, and everyone was going about they're happy lives, girlfriends, jobs, parties, they were having it all. i was so depressed about how much i hate myself, and so jealous of the other people, that i openly said i was thinking of killing myself. guess what? IT WAS OVER AIM!! how fucking horrible is that? then, ONLY THEN i got phone calls. all of a sudden people cared. then i hate myself for that, and it goes on and on like a vicious cycle. your right, i'm totally in love with myself. it makes sense why i can't move on. but really, it's so hard to motivate me once im convince that either i suck, or people will hurt me. so, i don't know about you, but i think i have the wrong attitude about life. all i know is how to be depressed. so, now i have no more questions. because I don't even know what i want!! it makes me so pissed i could kick my door off. now what?
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princessalyssa
Advisor
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You don't have to know what you want at this exact moment in time dear, you've got another 70 years on you :]
It's okay to not have everything under control,most things are actually out of our power. But, it is up to you,if you want to get better you're going want it and strive for it.
Surround yourself with people that will support you and help you in your efforts.
Not everyone is out to hurt you,though it may seem like everyone in the past has,give people a chance they just want to be loved on as you do.
Just take a chance,go for it,go out,be confident,smile,meet new people and make yourself busy so you can't think about the negatives.
Ps.Getting violent never helps any situation.
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( duesxmachina )
Dairy Product Addict
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haha i can't whine anymore, im all whined out.
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