I can't sleep at someone else's house, and I have difficulties even being left alone in my house (I live with my family) for more than one night. I think I'll be alright and then I find myself suddenly going crazy, unable to fend it off any longer.

I have meds for it that I can take to calm me down. usually by the time I'm bad enough to take medication, I'm too far gone to keep it down - I kept it down last night for half an hour, desperately waiting for it to take effect, and then threw up and lost control completely of the situation. My friend's cat was outside the door (I was sposed to be housesitting) meowing because she hates being kept out of a room, but I CANT STAND a living creature being in that space with me, it's my only safe space and I don't want an animal invading. and she wouldn't shut up and i had to cover my ears and try to breathe.

Had to call my dad at 1am to take me home, and now i'm staying home but they're going away for five days and I'll be here without them... each of those nights.

They're here tonight, they're leaving tomorrow morning - yet I can't remove this tight feeling of fear even though I'm safe right now. The thought of the panic I'm going to have those nights is keeping me on its leash.

I could've gone with them, but I have to look after friend's dog here, and get round to her house each day to feed the cat. I made that commitment because I thought I was OKAY now. I thought I would be fine.

I keep getting myself into these situations that would be fine for anyone sane, and that even I know should be fine, I know I'm safe enough and not gonna be hurt or anything - but I know I've had panic attacks in similar situations before and so I'm just so so afraid of having one again. So I do have one.

I panic out of fear of panic. most anxiety sufferers would know that problem. it's so horribly stupid, unrealistic, yet can't tell myself everything's ok!

I'm on antidepressants and they are lifesaving but when I fall into a panic I also fall into the hopeless despairing feelings again and it's really hard to hold on and stay in the sane zone. everything around me feels unfamiliar and unsafe then.

hyperventilate, throw up, shiver, pray... try to calm down reading my bible because it makes me feel safer. sometmes works sometimes doesn't.

that stupid dog just ran away and I spent 20 minutes chasing her before I enticed her back to me and the thought of worryign about her til tuesday is just... AUGH YOU STUPID ANIMAL

at least now I'm angry more than scared. *eyeroll*

I have seen a counsellor and a psychologist before and I don't think there's much point doing it now, I just have to stop commiting myself to things that I know I might have trouble with. for now though, I AM committed to this situation.

commitment is terrifying cos you can't get out of it. garhaghgdag

cry

You need to tell yourself that everything is alright. Lock all the doors to ensure your safety. Maybe pick up a good book from the library. Reading always helps me get to sleep. That, or listen to your favorite songs. Music always helps me relax and unwind.

Just try to calm yourself down. If you really need assistance, then call your parents. I am sure that they understand your situation and would be glad to help. The pets can keep you company and keep your mood up.

Just make it through the few nights that they are gone. Just tell yourself repeatedly that you will make it through the night, because you will! If you want to talk, you can always PM me. I will be glad to help. Good luck!!

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We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breaker
Watch the world die

Perhaps a friend could come over and keep you company, if things start to get weird.

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In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed.

You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

I didn't think talking to someone would help, but I just had a little chat with a friend on the phone and it was comforting. She's coming round tomorrow for a little while and it might actually be good not to be alone.

I've had a segment of a tablet and I feel pretty alright now, I'll just try to carry that over into tomorrow.

Knowing I've put it out there, in this topic, is kind of a help in itself - and having even a few people acknowledge it is appreciated. I don't usually like putting my personal issues up.