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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Deep Thoughts & Random Musings / Viewing Topic

Shortened because you lazy fucks won't read.
Replies: 11Last Post July 25 4:14pm by Anonymous
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( Anonymous )

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Hi Mom,  
    Yes, I'm obviously a liar, but please don't put any blame on Manny. We talked a little after you sent that email to him because he needed me to tell him everything. He hadn't quite "hit rock bottom" yet, and he just needed me to confirm what you had said. after I did so, he told me he had no hard feelings and we said goodbye. we stopped talking for about a week. then I initiated a conversation. I felt guilty and was apologizing again for what I did, and within a couple minutes we were in an "in-depth" conversation. He now knows the real me. The next few conversations he would always stress to me that he was going against his word  But I kept insisting that we keep talking. So the fact that we still talk today is my fault. Obviously he could have blocked me or ignored me, but he wouldn't do that.  
    This whole experience has really lowered my self-esteem and my self-worth if that makes sense, and I truly regret everything. I wish I never created that account on LiveWire. I wish I never got carried away with the need to be pretty, and I wish I never found those pictures of that girl. It only contributed to my jealousy. Just a need to be liked by someone. And I guess I thought this was the way to go. But I realize all this was just a big mistake. I've never had a high self-esteem and you know that. And just as I was getting better and more confident, I have to pull crap like this and ruin everything. I'm now back to where I used to be.  I feel awful, I feel disgusted by myself. I don't even know who I'm going to become when I'm older. I'm scared I will only get worse.  I feel stuck, dwelling on what I can't change. I never mean to screw up this much and I hope you know that. I just take everything too far. You've told me before that I need deep psychological help, and you're probably right. I was going to wrap this up by begging if I could keep talking to Manny, but there is really no point. He is just a guy from the Internet, I should be able to block and just move on. If you want me to stop talking to him, I will. It will take time because I've gotten attached to him. The reason why you always find me asleep with my phone in my bed is because the night before I was laying in bed talking to him on AIM until one of us fell asleep. He calls me all the time leaving me voicemails when he's bored, when he's lonely, or just when he feels like it. I listen to them all the time.  I know this is the Internet, but I feel close to him. I've changed him, he's changed me. he used to drink and do drugs.  HE doesn't anymore. I made him promise to me he wouldn't anymore, and except for one or maybe twice, he's stopped everything. That's what I mean when I say change. He's very sweet and very funny, and he has a good heart. He has been through a LOT. He has no dad, he grew up with gangs, he had to man up at an early age to help his mom take care of all his sisters. He has a lot on his plate, and he needs someone to talk to. and even after all my mistakes and lies, he still likes talking to me. So, I'll ask just once, no begging...if I can continue talking to Manny. Again, I'm sorry. and I love you so much.  
Love,  
me.

Post edited at 4:03 pm on July 25, 2008 by Anonymous


4:00 pm on July 25, 2008
Baron Samedi


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It's still too long.

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4:00 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined Mar. 2008 | 99 Days Active
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Permious

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None of us are your mother. I think you should send this shit to her.

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jesus christ was a cunt and a rapist

4:00 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined July 2008 | 79 Days Active
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xcutioners


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Don't make the same topic again.

I don't care about your friend.

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4:00 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined July 2004 | 574 Days Active
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dont notice me


Enlightened One

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you are quite awful at shortening stuff

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I love you with all my heart

no matter the asshole reply I leave in your topic.

4:01 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined June 2006 | 337 Days Active
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brittonlana


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you are quite awful at shortening stuff

4:02 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined April 2008 | 79 Days Active
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solitude


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a2wsdfgjashdfgsd? What does that mean. Spammer

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Thank you greatescape11:)
You're welcome HatesYou
And Decadence is Inglish.
HEAVEN!

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hoogorvorst


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I lol'd

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I know more bout this place than you think

4:05 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2007 | 18 Days Active
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Just Waiting Here


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I'm not sure what you want from this. Do you want commentary, do you want soemoen to say it's good? All in all, this is a personal letter, and any input from an outsider would take that away from it.

If you need to communicate with your mother, then this could be a great way. You can even put in a request to sit and talk to one another. Give her the chance to understand where you're coming from, WHY you do what you do, and whether or not you realize that there are dangers on the internet (Which is most likely what terrifies her the most). Showing parents you understand, and do have some maturity and logic behind your actions can often times help them help YOU.

Hopefully things work out.. at the end of the day, no matter what your mother says, her reasoning is always the same. She cares for you, and wants to protect you :).

Oh, and... lmao at the people that say it's too long.  If you don't want to "waste your time" reading about something (or you don't have the attention span), then don't waste your time, everyone else's time, and space by posting something useless.

Post edited at 4:08 pm on July 25, 2008 by Just Waiting Here


4:06 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2007 | 258 Days Active
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biskitz


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If we won't read it, we won't read it. Get over it

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Deputee: berserk1313  

4:07 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2006 | 381 Days Active
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porcelain


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I read it and I don't really know what it say about it because I don't know the situation.

It's very well written though, and your thoughts are nicely organized and I hope she gets the point.

If you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me.

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No life ain't always beautiful,
tears will fall sometimes.
Life ain't always beautiful,
but it's a beautiful ride.


4:10 pm on July 25, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2006 | 350 Days Active
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( Anonymous )

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Quote: from Just Waiting Here at 4:06 pm on July 25, 2008

I'm not sure what you want from this.  Do you want commentary, do you want soemoen to say it's good?  All in all, this is a personal letter, and any input from an outsider would take that away from it.

If you need to communicate with your mother, then this could be a great way.  You can even put in a request to sit and talk to one another.  Give her the chance to understand where you're coming from, WHY you do what you do, and whether or not you realize that there are dangers on the internet (Which is most likely what terrifies her the most).  Showing parents you understand, and do have some maturity and logic behind your actions can often times help them help YOU.

Hopefully things work out.. at the end of the day, no matter what your mother says, her reasoning is always the same.  She cares for you, and wants to protect you :).

Oh, and... lmao at the people that say it's too long. If you don't want to "waste your time" reading about something (or you don't have the attention span), then don't waste your time, everyone else's time, and space by posting something useless.


Thank you.


4:14 pm on July 25, 2008
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