revive friendship w/ an eX? -- LiveWire College Forums

lately I've really been thinking allot about reviving a friendship with an ex gf of mine. we havn't spoken since last march and our last correspondence didn't go well at all. we've had quite a few of these breaks in the 7 years I've known her, always over somin stupid and we've always made up in the end..but this last one might of been for good..but maybe not, but with all we've been thru I should atleast give it a shot right? its been a few years since we were bf/gf and years before that we were in-seperable best friends who never had anything to argue about. ever since we broke up for good a couple of years ago tho we've had allot of strain in our friendship from all different sorts of things that can get between 2 people that love each other but are not with each other. I had a hard time letting go and moving on from her where as she seemed to move right on yet at the same time she always gave me attitude about other girls and even when I just wanted to go out and about at night and I often felt like she was just baiting me on but when ever I would try and talk about the two of us she would get irriatated and would give me the impression of wanting nothing to do with me in that sense. we used to discuss anything and everything before and when we were dating but after we split she would never tell me what she was really feeling or what she thought about certain things. we had a hell of a blow out this spring, first she was givin me signs and hints that she wanted to get back together then suddenly she was stand-offish in that sense when her ex that she dumped for me showed up outa no where. and this was right around the time I got diagnosed with a heart condition that made me rethink everything in my life and I was truely happy for her that this kid popped back in her life.. I love this girl with all my heart but I felt and still feel that I dont want a serious girl friend ever again, my life is too..uncertain. it was a very dark and depressed time for me dealing with the facts and just a whole slew of death's of people im closed too, lost a lot of good people this year.. so I didnt handle it the best I could. I figured she was best off with out me in her life at all so I tried just pushing her away from me, and this lead to allot of fights and arguments from me being an ass..but it worked cause she stopped talking to me..and then I realized that wasnt right or fair so I tried telling her the truth about everything and asked if we could just go back to being friends like how we used to be and IDK what she thought..she listened but she didnt say anything other than she had to go. I didnt know what to make of it, but I put it out of my mind.. and now im really missing her, I miss just hanging out and shooting the shit and confiding in her and vice-a-versa. I tend to steer away from love when ever I come across it weather im feeling it or the girl im with is feeling it, sex and true friends is all that really matters to me these days and she was one of my nearest and dearest friends and on top of that I love her but DONT want to pursue her, I just miss having her in my life.
HOWEVER should I really try to re-kindle our friendship? is she better off with out me in her life? when I made it clear to her we should never date again did it hurt her or did she not really care??(she always talked about marriage and kids YET she was the one that did the breaking up) and did it hurt even more when I just pushed her outa my life entirely? or did I make her not give a damn about me anymore? cause she didnt seem to care when I finally came clean about things and my health.. I dont know what to think, all I know is we've been thru worse and longer breaks than this and our friendship has always survived..should I give it my best shot? or let it be? I wrote a letter to her trying to better explain things and asking her allot of things cause I dont know how well I did last time we talked, my head was def not on my shoulders then..should I send it?

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