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TheAntiBarbie
Soothsayer
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One winter a man and a woman were in an accident on a road with very little traffic. They both got out of their cars unharmed and the woman walked over to the man carrying a bottle of wine, which also escaped the accident. She said to him, "Isn't it amazing that we both escaped unharmed? It must be fate. I think we were meant to meet. Let's drink this wine, look at the stars, and get to know each other. We can sort this out later." The man thought that it seemed like a very romantic idea, so we took the bottle, drank half, and held it out to the woman. She pulled out her cell phone and replied, "No thanks. I have to call the police."
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2kewl4u2know
Visionary
 Sustainer
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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
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"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
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2kewl4u2know
Visionary
Sustainer
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One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"
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"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
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July
Quality Control Engineer
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A blonde and a brunette own a farm together. One day, they decide to buy a bull, but all they have is 100$. After much searching in various other towns, the brunette finds a bull for 99$s. The brunette goes to a telegram office so that she can send a telegram to the blonde to come with the trailer for the bull. "I would like to send a telegram to my friend.", the brunette told the man at the counter. "I would like it to say 'Bring the trailer for the bull.'". "Okay. Its a dollar a word", replied the man. Shit, thought the brunette. "Okay, then just make it say 'comfortable'." With a confused look, the man stated "I'm sorry, I know its none of my business, but I don't think your friend will understand." "No, no," said the brunette. "You see, my friend is a blonde and reads really slow! So she'll read the message 'come-for-da-dull'!" HAHAHAHA I crack myself up.
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Speak and spell correctly, or STFU_plz
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8:11 pm on July 15, 2008 | Joined July 2008 | 18 Days Active
Join to learn more about July Florida, United States | Straight Female | 545 Posts | 804 Points
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Hoop chic08
Advisor
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A dude walks into a bar and rubs what he thought was a can, and so a genie pops out and tells him that he has 3 wiishes, so he says my first wish is for a beer jug that always refills itself well the genie grants it and the jug keeps refilling itself,well then the genie asks what are you next 2 wishes? and the dude says I want 2 more of these
lol.
not the best but its funny!
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This time this place
Mis used mistakes.
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According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced 
