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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

A few people I'm not
Replies: 3Last Post Aug. 28, 2008 3:26pm by Ad libitum
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( Ad libitum )


Connoisseur
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[A poem of one. Constructive criticism please!]

Let me entice you to the rock pools,
Where legends of lost loves will be basking on the rocks.
Let us talk about lost memories,
And listen to the never played symphonies.
Come closer and catch my eye,
Whilst conversation fades, washed away with the tides.

Close those glistening green eyes,
And think of someone you physically admire.
On the count of three I will appear by your side,
And on opening those green eyes you shall see someone you physically despise.

I have no courage to chance feelings without a care,
If you ask why I felt what I did, I will blame it on a dare.


It's just about someone I used to like called Laura. There are influences of Morrissey and Tracey Thorn included in it.


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''The winning man is your creation. It's in his battle to
fight for his existence: but he's not real.''


3:24 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined: Feb. 2008 | Days Active: 261
Join to learn more about Ad libitum England, United Kingdom | Questioning Female | Posts: 3,906 | Points: 6,568
LiveWire Humor
californication


Omnipotent One

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It isn't bad, but I'm not a huge fan

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Hei chavorale!
 Palo Mande!  

3:25 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined: May 2007 | Days Active: 363
Join to learn more about californication Madagascar | Asexual | Posts: 14,651 | Points: 19,326
YellowDuckie


Chocolate Thunder

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I like it a lot.

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Like a runaway

3:25 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined: July 2007 | Days Active: 402
Join to learn more about YellowDuckie Iowa, United States | Questioning | Posts: 21,202 | Points: 30,518
( Ad libitum )


Connoisseur
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Quote: from californication at 11:25 pm on Aug. 28, 2008

It isn't bad, but I'm not a huge fan

What parts don't you like?

-------
''The winning man is your creation. It's in his battle to
fight for his existence: but he's not real.''


3:26 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined: Feb. 2008 | Days Active: 261
Join to learn more about Ad libitum England, United Kingdom | Questioning Female | Posts: 3,906 | Points: 6,568
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